What Married Woman Should Do about Guilt

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2003
What Married Woman Should Do about Guilt
3
Tue, 11-11-2003 - 9:29am
I have been married for 3 years and my husband was always away. I met a beautiful young gentleman and we became good freinds and one night I got drunk and made a move on him and he returned my kiss and one thing lead to another and it was amasing but I do love my husband and it has oly happened once. Should I get out of my marraige or should I push what happened aside and try and have a wonderful maraige. How do you get over the guilt and how do you stop thinking about the other man?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Tue, 11-11-2003 - 10:06am
LuLu...you have come to the right place to express the emotions which you are experiencing and although none of us can tell you to just let go of the guilt, all of us can share with you our experience in how we deal with it.

I think it's most important for you to consider what telling your H will accomplish? It may release you of some guilt but at the same time it could destroy your marriage and along with that can come a great deal of pain for both you and your H. I would strongly encourage you to reconsider telling your H and/or walking away from your marriage.

I don't get weighed down with guilt simply because I am a firm believer in the fact that what someone doesnt know doesnt hurt them. I pride myself in being extremely careful and not taking chances that would possibly lead to my DH or his fiance finding out about our relationship. The only time I really feel any guilt is after OM has been disrespectful to me and I look at my Dh from across the room and realize what a great man I really have and I start to wonder how I could be so decieving and yet love him so very much...I dont dwell on it though as I know it's not emotionally healthy for me to bare that burden...honestly, Im a cop out...but admitting it is half the task right!??!?!? LOL

GOod luck to you LuLu and Im sure the other posters will have plenty of advice to share with you as well...

cl-liberalgirl

callmeliberal@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-11-2003 - 11:00am
hey lulu, you say in your post that you love your H. so do you want to stay in your M? if you've slipped one time, but want to stay in your M, do so! forget about the "beautiful young gentleman" and devote yourself to making your H your "beautiful young gentleman." if your H is away alot, take up an interesting activity (or several) to keep you busy and away from bars and such.

however, saying all of the above, if your H is away alot and you want to have fun with someone else, and can do so without the guilt, then i say go for it! if the guilt is too much for you, then don't hang out in places where you'll be tempted.

and DON'T tell your H unless you want your M to end! but that's up to you honey. just be prepared if you do. that's a long, hard road for a one-time dalliance!

good luck,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
Tue, 11-11-2003 - 2:25pm
Lulu,

You might think it will feel better to tell your H, but think of how he will feel. It's really not going to help him in any way. I almost told my DH when the guilt was too much for me. Then I realized that I would be hurting him, the kids and possibly MM's family too. What I did instead was to end it with MM and reinvest my efforts into my M. MM and I have started seeing each other again since then, but I've found I can live with the relationship as long as we don't kiss or get physically involved. I thank God that I never told dh, because I think it would have hurt him so much, and he doesn't deserve that.