What next?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
What next?
7
Sat, 08-25-2012 - 11:20am

How do you move from the "I notice you/you notice me" phase to the AP phase? I am stuck in limbo. Of course, he doesn't make it easy. Sometimes he stares at me as though I am sucking all of the oxygen out of the room, other times he goes out of his way to not look at me.  (Still the same guy from my previous post "Imagining Things?". Nothing has changed).

I went on vacation the week after he returned, so I did not see him. I had submitted a work order to his department before I left, but it was assigned to him and he had to call me when he was back in town. He called the day after I left, and I got a notice that he would call back the following day. I sent him a personal email telling him that I was gone until such and such date, and I made a small joke about no one knowing anything about where other people are in my department. He never responded, and he called back the following day. Anyway, this went on for days (him not reading my emails-I flagged them to alert me when read and never received the alert- and calling back), until I came back to the office. When we finally spoke on the phone, he stuttered through the beginning of the conversation, and mumbled/laughed nervously whenever I would make a joke or attempt to fill the awkward silence with conversation as we waited for computer programs to load. My issue ended up taking a long time for him, so afterward, I sent a cursory thank you email letting him know if there was ever anything he needed from our department, to let me know. Of course, no response.

One thing about our emails is that we ae constantly getting warnings that our emails are monitered and to keep them professional. I never send non-business related emails, though I do make jokes and personal asides within them,  but I wonder if he doesn't want to risk sending something that could be seen as personal. I don't know. If I can't get a conversation started with email, then I have to try to get something going at the gym. But I never know what to say. It's not like I can say "Let's start an A". Ugh, I feel so inept.

Any ideas where to go from here?? Or should I even bother trying?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to:
Sat, 08-25-2012 - 3:24pm

I'm a firm believer in being bold.  The looks and wondering "What if?" are nice for a while, but after a certain point, you want some confirmation that your feelings are reciprocated.  That does NOT mean it always has good results!  LOL..the last time I was bold., the guy hung up on me when I called him.  You have to be willing to face rejection when you are upfront about your interest.  But at least from that point, you know who and what you are dealing with.  It keeps you from wasting your time and mental energy.

That said, I am attracted to an MM at my workplace, and even though I am normally pro taking action, I would not make the first move on him.  I have actually thought he was hot for over two years now, but it just seems too dangerous.  If he isn't interested, I have to see him every single day, and that will make our work environment awkward.  Plus, he could feel sexually harrassed by me, and I don't want to do that.  

I think it sounds like you are doing all you can within the bounds of remaining professional and not totally obvious.  He has had multiple opportunities to engage in your overtures, and he has not, so that tends to make me think he is not interested, or at least not interested enough to deal with the dangers of an A.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
In reply to:
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 2:14pm
I think what you're really interested in here as you say is the challenge. And the reason why you feel attracted to him is because you noticed him having an interest in you. Maybe before you turn on your full charm on him, consider carefully, is he someone you will ordinarily want to pursue even if he hadn't been showing any slightest interest?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2009
In reply to: lannmann
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 2:43pm

She really doesn't know him ferdifrendi. He's just a mysterious creature that eludes her and she "wants" to open that box and see what's in it.

It doesn't matter that you two are "attracted" to each other borderline, don't go there. You're playing with fire.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
In reply to:
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 7:21am
Iannmann, the way you put it kinds of reminds me of those subscription beauty boxes. On the website they always list all the big name beauty brands. So u pay to subscribe and most times you get brands you've never heard off or are simply not interested to try. Haha!