What is next for me? LONG

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
What is next for me? LONG
16
Sat, 07-24-2010 - 3:05pm

Dear Mas friends,


I feel like I'm on the edge of a sky high precipice, and I feel like I'm incapable of turning around and walking the other way. My doctors appointment didn't happen. She had an emergency and then of course she is on holiday now until mid-August. I've made an appointment with her replacement, but I

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2009
Sat, 07-24-2010 - 3:33pm

yes...you need intreatment for alcohol, I guess there is no "bottom" for you yet.


The 'bed buddy" should have you arrested for assault and you should be serving some time in prison.


So now my ex-h is dating this "person" who thinks our son deserved being charged and being on a registry for the next two or so decades. How could he do that? How? My son has put it behind him now, but his W has NOT. I told her who this person is that my ex is seeing, and asked her to never let her around my grandchild. Will this wake ex-h up? I don't think so, he's finally having sex again, right? Who cares about the children! And that's another reason why I am so upset about all of it. I can't help it...he's my SON for goodness sakes!


How grand that your son put it all behind him....what about the poor girl he raped???? YES..he should be on a registry for the next couple of decades...maybe the rest of his life. Rapist NEVER rahabilitate. I just hope he doest go after some other poor girl!!!!!!!! WOW! I cant believe you would nt even post something like that!


My heart just goes out to that girl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Sat, 07-24-2010 - 3:38pm

Oh benska, my heart breaks for you and how you've been feeling :(.


Yes, there are are inpatient treatment centers all over the place (not sure where you live; are you in the US?).

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Sat, 07-24-2010 - 3:51pm
Unless you know the whole story, which you obviously don't, I'd highly recommend keeping your opinions to yourself.

anotherseyes

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2009
Sat, 07-24-2010 - 4:00pm
I've got news for you...I have been on the board for years and know Benska's story. So I do know the story
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2010
Sat, 07-24-2010 - 4:17pm
You need help and fast! I also have been following your story for years and this is ridiculous. You have one excuse after another. Your AP should be the least of your worries right now.SAP You need to get help for your alcohol and anger issues ASAP! You
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2010
Sat, 07-24-2010 - 4:18pm

Hi benska,


Big Hugs to you that things start to get better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2009
Sat, 07-24-2010 - 4:21pm

You have proven my point. I dont know if this is your alcoholism talking or you are just an angry person

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Sat, 07-24-2010 - 4:25pm

Thanks another,


I probably will talk to this other doctor, it's just that I thought having someone who's known me would make it easier.


I live in Canada and yes, I'm sure there are places like that around. I wish I could keep my place...perhaps I could sublet it, I will have to look into that.


Thanks for sticking up for me too :-) I'm afraid I had a knee jerk reaction and let that "creature" have it. I did apologize to lexi before I said anything though.


You're right about the anger. I am angry, angry at myself for ever going down this path in the first place. Maybe if I'd received counselling back when I was a child for the rape, I'd be better able to deal with things.


I'd have some pretty deep digging to do to figure out why, as a thirteen year old girl, I blamed MYSELF for being raped. Pretty pathetic, huh? I've tried to get past that, and nothing has ever "stuck".


Thanks again and I've been reading your posts. You are a wonderful person, don't ever forget it. If you're ever really down and need a wake up call, just go back and reread some of my posts...that ought to scare you straight!


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Sat, 07-24-2010 - 4:34pm

Yes, I do need help...and fast, as you say. Perhaps I do have one excuse after another...yet I always accept responsibility for my actions...hmm, seems to cancel one another out, no?


See, that's the problem with disease and downward spiral...but of course, you're too GOOD to be that, right. You're on this board because you're such a righteous upstanding person, right?


Yes, I am angry. I had, what I thought at the time, was a wonderful and stable TWENTY FIVE year marriage. I fell in love with someone else and my world fell apart, so yes...I'm angry.


So sorry I'm angry at the man I fell in love with, even though I love him still. Of course I shouldn't have embarked on this, and of course I should never have hit that woman.


SIGH....maybe you should sigh at your husband (and children if you have any)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Sat, 07-24-2010 - 5:34pm

Hi ali,


Thank you so much. I too think that it's good that I recognize that I have problems, the hard part is finding the courage within to get help for them.


The thing with unburdening to a stranger, well...I've done that before, two years ago. The problem was, I sound so bloody in control and in the end, they don't believe that I'm depressed and at risk...because I sound so reasonable and knowledgeable about what is going on. Yes, I may very well sound that way, but I sure as heck don't feel that way!


You are right about my AP though, he is a good guy and he's doing the best he can to be what I need him to be in my life. I do recognize that. I just sometimes wish that we'd never started this, you know? But that is just like crying over spilt milk and I'm not going to do that..what's done is done and now I must deal with it. And although I say I wish we'd never started this, in my heart I'm happy. I love this man so much and I wouldn't have missed what's he's given me (the good stuff anyway) for the world.


You know, I just read something in one of the posts..I forget who said it but it went something like this:


The people who hurt you were probably hurt even worse than you...or something to that effect. This is my AP.


Thanks for caring, and one day soon I will come back here and tell you that I am on the road to recovery and life is good again. Really, what's the alternative? There is none.

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