what NOT to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
what NOT to do
11
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 9:56pm
Well..I have finally stopped lurking and made myself see where I am in black and white on my computer screen. As happily married as I am, here I am on this board. Lesson#1 Never say "Never!" (This is very hard for me to get out.) I know I shouldn't be here typing and waiting for OM to call. My DH is totally dedicated to me, a great cook/barista and "all that with whipped cream, chocolate syrup and sprinkles in the bedroom" He washes and vacs my car on the weekends. We've know each other almost 20 years and been together 12. AND I'm happy.

There's my roots.

OM is dedicated to his kids and his job( and to me when we get together) He makes me feel like I have wings. No problems, No obligations No " whose turn was it to take the dumpster to the curb" We just are.

More later ...Just had to start getting it out

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: h12j22r71
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 10:06pm
BTDT

And look where I am!

Take care

Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
In reply to: h12j22r71
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 10:08pm
Did I post that? We really sound alike-never say never is right! I am on the "verge" of an A and a lurker here as well and today is the first day MM and I had NO contact...he is a coworker and we didnt speak at all and deliberately avoided looking at each other-it was awfully cute catching each other "not looking" and I too sit here waiting for an email from him...it is getting way too heavy, our families are going to get hurt...I wonder if we can really stay apart. Maybe I too will have the courage to start a discussion soon.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
In reply to: h12j22r71
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 10:11pm
Thanks Red. I'll keep trying to get it all out . BTW He's my boss. He wasnt when when we met . I saw it coming, tried to run then froze like a deer in headlights. LOl
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
In reply to: h12j22r71
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 10:13pm
i don't know why i'm here either. and i also said i would "never" get involved with a mm. but p was in the right place at the right time...or is it the wrong place at the wrong time. he is devoted to his children and is a wonderful father. he is also a wonderful boyfriend, if that's what i should call him. i also wait on him to call me. he calls every morning on the ride to work, every day at noon and every afternoon on the ride home from work. he calls in the evenings when he can, i.e. when the wife is gone. the best week we've had so far, is one week when his wife had to be out of town for a week. we talked until late at night, met for dinner and just spent time together. i miss that. sometimes i get tired of having things on his terms, but i believe that he is worth waiting for. i get worried that he will eventually feel to guilty to continue this, but every time he gets a conscience, it usually passes in a few days.

how long have you been involved with your mm?

glad to meet another new person! :o)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
In reply to: h12j22r71
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 10:17pm
My advice is "DON'T" He and I fought it off for year and gave in. This stuff can ruin lives. Being together is fireworks. Coming home after is nerve racking. " Do i smell like smoke?' "Did i smudge his white shirt with makeup?' My hands shake so hard as I drive away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
In reply to: h12j22r71
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 10:20pm
Oficially since mid January. I knew I should avoid him from the minute we made eye contact over a year ago.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
In reply to: h12j22r71
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 10:38pm
p and i have been together for about 7 months. nothing ever happened when we worked together, which was odd, but the attraction was there. i would give anything to be able to spend one entire night with him. once 5 pm hits, i count the minutes until he calls. earlier he asked what i was doing tonight. usually that means, wife is going out and he will call, but he hasn't yet, and by now he's probably putting the kids to bed, so i will have to wait until morning. ho-hum....
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
In reply to: h12j22r71
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 6:15pm
You are absolutely right-I am seeing how nerve-racking this is BEFORE the act-I am sick to my stomach, he is having issues...day 2 of intentional ignoring-yesterday it was cute today I am just getting pissed off thinking how close I came but I am so NOT out of the woods yet and clearly neither is he. Tomorrow we have a meeting-work thing; he is out of town the rest of the week. Out of sight, out of mind? I can only hope.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: h12j22r71
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 7:20pm
Oh that is so me as well! YAY! I'm quite happily married to a GReAT guy.....I'm glad I'm not alone!! KC
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2004
In reply to: h12j22r71
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 2:55pm
Well I guess I am no longer a lurker. I cannot believe that there are so many of you out there in the same position. I am so confused that I cannot sleep.

I have known my H for 21 yrs and have been married for 13. I have known the OM for 17yrs. The OM and I have been friends practically since we met. Our friendship "crossed the line" in college but we never made a commitment. We stayed friends and I guess I have come to realize that I have never stopped loving him. WOW just writing that is making my hands tremble. He is also married and has a family, like me. As a matter of fact our families have gotten together for dinner before. My husband has always thought of him as a threat and deep down inside hates that I am friends with the OM.(go figure) For years we saw each other every couple of years, but we talked every other week.

Well while I was out of town on business so was the OM and we met for dinner. I hadn't SEEN him for 3 year. He walked into the restaurant and I swear my palms started sweating and my heart started racing. I truly thought that we would meet, have a great time finally talking face to face and that would be it. WRONG I went back with him to his hotel room and (call me stupid) he gave me a hug and i turned into jello. I still can't believe I was so weak. There is that moment right before you kiss that you think I am about to have an affair, I can stop this but I didn't want to. He made me feel so sexy and powerful. I have come to realize those are feelings that I don't get at home. We didn't make love but we had the most incredible foreplay. I was the one who stopped before it went any further. But now that I am back home I find myself thinking about "going all the way" (sound like a teenager).

We talk every week but we have been avoiding the subject. But we are always trying to find a way to travel to the same city. I am a basketcase. So Is it an affair if you don't have sex? Am I stupid? I find myself checking my cell just in case i missed his call. If I have a crappy day all he has to do is say hello and I forget whatever it was that was making sad. Please tell me this is normal?

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