What prompted your A...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
What prompted your A...
19
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 7:20pm


What prompted your A...

I think a lot of women especially over 30 think men are looking for someone younger , prettier, thiner basically it all about looks but I don't agree.

I haven't had an A but when I'm tempted its not for that reason. I think for me it would about wanting to feel wanted and desired.

A lot of women on seeing the AP are aghast because they often are not younger or prettier so they cant understand the motivation. I think in a lot of cases its that the AF is making the
spouse feel desired, attractive and wanted sexually.

Do you think that is accurate?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 9:53pm

Well, is it bad to say I'm glad there is another person that feels the way I do? :)


I've only

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Sun, 10-05-2008 - 6:07pm

Thats hard for me to pin down....

Partly because at times I'm tempted and maybe I am trying to understand those feelings..

A bit of just general curiosity...

A bit of my own feeling around monogamy...I have always valued commitment but within that I've never been as concerned about fidelity...

like I said it's complex, I'm not sure if I did good job explaining it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2008
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 10:59pm
My A was prompted by very strong physical attraction of my AP to me...since I was living in sexless M at the time, man who found me so incredibly desirable basically won me over:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2008
Tue, 10-07-2008 - 2:57pm

edited for privacy




Edited 10/23/2008 8:54 am ET by goddess_edwina
Edwina
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2008
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 9:52am
for me it was the simple need of emotional affection that i was (and still) not getting from H. For AP i think it was desire. Honestly there is no comparison between his SO and I . she is the frompy housecoat type of person and well..... I am far from that!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2008
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 12:49pm

"Newness" That's exactly it... the thrill of that new relationship!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 1:16pm
Yes, I definitely think that's what it is. I have only ever considered cheating when I was interested in more than a physical relationship. My H, although a good guy, has spread himself very, very thin with his investments and professional commitments and I often feel like I get the short end of the stick by the time he comes home at the end of a long day. After 2 kids and a bunch of life changes in a short amount of time, I don't really think he sees me as a sexual being and it puts me off a lot. My desire to start an A would be because of getting something I'm not getting from my H, which is a lot these days. Honestly, my H is very handsome and quite a "catch", so looks wouldn't really have much to do with it if I wanted to have an A.

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2008
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 2:53pm
What prompted my EA was neglect from my husband. Being ignored , turned down about sex, no affection at all for 4.5 years will take its toll on a person. I met my OM online and he was so sweet, kind, caring, and thoughtful. We have a ton of things in common and friendship led to love.
Searching for the sunlight amidst a darkened sky. Keep telling yourself there are better days ahead. Hold onto your hope as tight as you can. Because in the end hope and love are what make the clouds part.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2008
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 2:53pm
My A started becuase I have been unhappy in my M for several years now. My H and I do not have sex..its been a problem since day one. Anyways, my exbf..the love of my life found me on the internet after eight years and the A started.
FrustratedinOC

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