What r the ReaL signs he will leave W?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
What r the ReaL signs he will leave W?
21
Fri, 06-05-2009 - 1:37pm

i have been with a MM since the beginning of Sept last year.

~k

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Fri, 06-05-2009 - 3:07pm
I realize how much you are looking forward to all the RL stuff but since i am also in a similar A ( me single and AP ,a MM )i would say that DONT fall pregnant BEFORE he is D and with you fully.I cant stress that enough.I am never M,no kids and desperately want some with AP.I cant help it but just cant visulaize with someone else,believe me i tried.
I believe and trust my AP.He had all papers ready for D but we got caught and now the W wants to give a try to the failing M.I wont provide specifics here but i know my MM is not a cake-eater.
has your AP told you when he is going to file?Get a date from him.If he is wishy-washy,you can try to dig a bit and you will know.
but dont fall prego before that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Fri, 06-05-2009 - 5:26pm

thank you for your reply.

~k
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Fri, 06-05-2009 - 5:33pm
Well,word of caution, iluvjOhn...words are just words until they are put into action and even then, there's no guarantee. My XAP left his wife 6 times in a year and a half so we could be together...first time he moved in with a friend, that lasted a month...second time I let him "stay" with me, that lasted one week, the 3rd time I let him "move" in with me, that lasted one month, 4th time he insisted that we get an apt together because he didn't feel comfortable living in my house, that lasted one week, 5th time after 3 months NC, he moved out into an efficiency apartment ALONE because I told him I was not giving up anything nor living with him until he proved to me he could go through with a divorce, that lasted 2 weeks and the 6th and last time, he moved out next door into their rental house and SHE actually filed for divorce on him....that lasted 3 weeks and he started pushing me away again. That was 2 months ago and we have not talked since and as far as I know he is back living in their house with her so I'm sure they didn't go through with it....SO, see, there is no guarantee no matter how in depth you talk about thing. XAP went as far as to introduce me to several members of his family and friends and told all of them how in love we were and how he was going through with everything so we could be together and be married....hmmm, I wonder what kind of BS story he feeds them every time he runs back home with his tail between his legs?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Sat, 06-06-2009 - 10:24am
OUCH ! gabby4ever2, your story is scary!!! but i guess i should have known that.
I am sorry for the pain you must have gone through.(((( hugs ))))
Avatar for momtb4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-06-2009 - 11:46am

I can only tell you how my OM knows I'm leaving my M. I told him I was, then I started working on the paperwork and showed it to him, so he could help me be sure I was being fair with kids and stuff. Honestly, he won't and can't know I'm for real until it's actually a done deal. Right now, h and i live in the same house (it sucks!) and om still encourages me to work on my m. I'm just so done in my m, that if my h would move out, this thing would be progressing. In the mean time, all my OM has to go on is that I say I'm doing this. He's in your shoes.

For you, I'd have to say this. If you are unhappy in your marriage, get out. Don't do it for ap. If you do, and it doesn't work, then you are left with the "what ifs." I'm not happy in my marriage, I haven't been for a long time. I told om up front that I'll never, ever leave my m for another man, or anyone else, other than myself. And that is what I'm doing. I'd rather be alone than in my marriage.

If you need to wait until your ap is for sure doing stuff, his d is gonna be messier and take longer than yours, then wait. Let him file and get a court date and do some things that are following through, like moving out. Definately don't get pregnant any time soon. That you'll surely regret. you can wait another year and be just fine. Take some time to be you and be in your relationship with ap first before getting pregnant. I know that's hard, but you won't regret waiting. That's my advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Sat, 06-06-2009 - 7:30pm
Thanks, lovingdoll...yeah, I've been through hell the last year and a half emotionally in my attempts at giving him the benefit of the doubt all the time. Each time he assured me was different and he could do it this time, but the truth of the matter is, he loves himself more than me because that's all he's looking out for....is himself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2009
Mon, 06-08-2009 - 3:43pm

just out of curiosity, why the huge rush to have kids? is it an age thing?

i know you both think you want to spend the rest of your lives together (and i can really really relate), but i'm not sure you can properly assess that until you have a completely free and public relationship. (side note - i'm 37 and my AP is the only person i've ever thought i might want to have kids with. if we make it through this together, i hope we will, but i also want to be realistic and take it slowly. maybe it will make my chances of having children very slim, but it's something i'm willing to risk because the alternative (getting pregnant too fast and figuring out that we were in some sort of blissful "affair" bubble) is not something i'm willing to risk.)

my vote is to take your time. hopefully you'll be an exception to the rule and you'll end up happily together, but take some time to enjoy yourselves and your relationship before you add on the extra complications of kids.

my parents had built-in kids (my dad's first wife passed away) plus my mom got pregnant on their honeymoon. they NEVER lived alone together until all the kids were out of the house and when that happened they were at a complete loss for how to relate to each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 8:48am

gabby, i am sooo sorry for all you went through and are going through.

~k
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 10:15am

i am not 15 and nor is AP.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 12:57pm

ok well, ouch!

~k

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