Hi William. You are not the first man on here and you are welcome on here. If she isn't going to leave her marriage anytime soon, there really isn't much hope or anything you can do. Sorry to say that, William.
No Contact isn't cruel but it helps both of you move on. If good bye is said, it is more hurtful to have each other in your lives. No contact helps keep us from being hurt. I have been there so I do know that. If she was to become single, things could possibly change but people change during time too. Good luck.
Dont get me wrong but i will be very realistic here.Take with a pinch of salt.You are 50.When will you find her again??? ( sorry to be very blunt.I am in 50s as well !!) Either wait for her or just move on and find someone closer to your age who would want the same things at the same time.
It is cruel to go NC if you in your mind have come to a decision ,which suites you.Dont get me wrong but where was your ' moral compass' when you were fully invested? Now that you are single and wanting more which she cant provide,it is 'spinning'!
Its very difficult to leave an emotionally abusive M and you putting pressure for her to leave would be hard on her.
It seems that you are looking forward to being single and not taking on the 'burden' of her difficult situation.Leave her alone.She definatly doesnt need another emotional abusive R.
You are enabling her to stay in a bad M because with you on the side she has a fantasy escape. Don't believe everything an AP tells you. Believe me, some of us women are also cake-eaters and we'll tell you anything you want to hear so we can have the goods in both world.
It's obvious, she's sitting on the fence. You on the other hand is ready to go to another page rather than being stuck here. I'm sure she's aware that you want a life with her. Did she give you a timeline on when she might be free? If not, then you're better off going forward in your life without her, otherwise, you will be strung along forever and by the time you know it, it'll be too late for you (age-wise) to find someone else.
You can't make a decision for her. She has to sort out her issues herself. You can suggest for her to seek professional help. But for you, just have a plan B if this gets to the point where you can't take being the OM anymore.
"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."
Had nothing to do with the divorce... I would self-reflect on that for a while. Maybe, you are saying that you were not happy but I do believe affairs give us the courage to move ahead with a divorce. We are a little bit more cocky about pulling the trigger when we have that person providing some emotional support. Maybe or maybe not.. Just think about it... would you have gotten the divorce at the exact same time without the affair.
As far as her, who knows.. You are just exiting a marriage that did not work. Do you really want to enter another relationship that has an issue as big as the fact that the woman is married.
I would move on. Again, if it is meant to be. She will find you when she gets that divorce. The emotional abuse and such. I would take that with a grain of salt. We all play up the bad in our marriage during an A. It makes us fill better about what we are doing. We don't want the AP to think that we have this great spouse and we still cheat. You know, if only I were with the right person... I would treat her so well and be completely faithful. Right? The bad marriage is our way of justifying.
Hi William. You are not the first man on here and you are welcome on here. If she isn't going to leave her marriage anytime soon, there really isn't much hope or anything you can do. Sorry to say that, William.
No Contact isn't cruel but it helps both of you move on. If good bye is said, it is more hurtful to have each other in your lives. No contact helps keep us from being hurt. I have been there so I do know that. If she was to become single, things could possibly change but people change during time too. Good luck.
Dont get me wrong but i will be very realistic here.Take with a pinch of salt.You are 50.When will you find her again??? ( sorry to be very blunt.I am in 50s as well !!) Either wait for her or just move on and find someone closer to your age who would want the same things at the same time.
It is cruel to go NC if you in your mind have come to a decision ,which suites you.Dont get me wrong but where was your ' moral compass' when you were fully invested? Now that you are single and wanting more which she cant provide,it is 'spinning'!
Its very difficult to leave an emotionally abusive M and you putting pressure for her to leave would be hard on her.
It seems that you are looking forward to being single and not taking on the 'burden' of her difficult situation.Leave her alone.She definatly doesnt need another emotional abusive R.
William,
You are enabling her to stay in a bad M because with you on the side she has a fantasy escape. Don't believe everything an AP tells you. Believe me, some of us women are also cake-eaters and we'll tell you anything you want to hear so we can have the goods in both world.
It's obvious, she's sitting on the fence. You on the other hand is ready to go to another page rather than being stuck here. I'm sure she's aware that you want a life with her. Did she give you a timeline on when she might be free? If not, then you're better off going forward in your life without her, otherwise, you will be strung along forever and by the time you know it, it'll be too late for you (age-wise) to find someone else.
You can't make a decision for her. She has to sort out her issues herself. You can suggest for her to seek professional help. But for you, just have a plan B if this gets to the point where you can't take being the OM anymore.
"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."
- Ramona L. Anderson
Had nothing to do with the divorce... I would self-reflect on that for a while. Maybe, you are saying that you were not happy but I do believe affairs give us the courage to move ahead with a divorce. We are a little bit more cocky about pulling the trigger when we have that person providing some emotional support. Maybe or maybe not.. Just think about it... would you have gotten the divorce at the exact same time without the affair.
As far as her, who knows.. You are just exiting a marriage that did not work. Do you really want to enter another relationship that has an issue as big as the fact that the woman is married.
I would move on. Again, if it is meant to be. She will find you when she gets that divorce. The emotional abuse and such. I would take that with a grain of salt. We all play up the bad in our marriage during an A. It makes us fill better about what we are doing. We don't want the AP to think that we have this great spouse and we still cheat. You know, if only I were with the right person... I would treat her so well and be completely faithful. Right? The bad marriage is our way of justifying.
Edited 3/22/2009 9:38 am ET by hopefull1996
She has mentioned several times that she will stay with him for 4 more years.