What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
What should I do?
3
Thu, 09-03-2009 - 8:30am

Hey there:)This isn't my first time on this board, but my situation has changed a little since last time, so I'll recap a little.I have been with my BF for about four years now.Things have slowly started getting worse in the last couple of years.Our sex life is non existent(beleive me, i've tried everything to spice things up)and what's even worse is that we've become almost like roomates, living together out of convenience.I know that the honeymoon stage does not last forever, and that eventually things slow down, but I have not been truly happy for a while now.Anyway, about a year ago ,I had a brief affair.I had no intentions of persuing a relationship with this other guy, it was just a sex thing.Well, my BF figured out something was going on, and I ended things with the other guy.Me and the BF went to couples councilling, and I decided that I was going to really give the relationship another try.At first things went well, our spark had somewhat returned.But quickly things reverted back into what they had been.


Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, an old friend added me to his Facebook.I hadn't talked to him in over 10 years.He had actually been my best friend's boyfriend all through high school, and the three of us were the best of friends.I always had somewhat of a crush on him, but had never acted upon it because of the situation.Well, the summer before I left for college,he told me out of the blue that he had feelings for me.Well, it shocked me.Nothing ever happened, I moved to college, and shortly after they broke up, he moved away.


Well, like I said , he added me to facebook.He sent me a message and we decided to get together for coffee and to catch up.He told me that he has been single now for over a year after a bad break up.We never really discussed my current relationshp status.(although i assumed he knew because of my facebook profile)There were sparks immediatley between us.I had so much fun just talking with him.Anyway, at the end of the night, he asked me if I wanted to go to a friend's get together that weekend.Although I knew I should say no, I said yes.At this point I really didn't know what would happen.Well, we had an awesome time, and at the end of the night we went back to his place .We slept together and it was great.I was worried that the next morning it would seem awkward, but it wasn't at all.We layed in bed all morning just holding each other.We made plans to hang out in a couple of days.A couple days later, I went over to his place and we cuddled on the couch and talked for hours.He mentioned that he would like to come see me at my place sometime.Well, it caught me off guard because I assumed he knew that I was not

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Thu, 09-03-2009 - 10:30am

Starting out in a R with dishonesty is never a good thing. You should be totally honest with the new guy. Why not start out on the right foot? You are not M, he is not M, you are not happy with your current BF so why wait. Why not go for it. You only have one life why not make it the best.


You will find that if you get the right guy and have the right attitude you won't have to sneak around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Thu, 09-03-2009 - 12:10pm
Absolutely agree with myra.
I dont know what the FWB rules are, but sleeping with him on your first get together coupled with you shortly revealing that you were already in a relationship may be prove a bit of a challenge to overcome, but if the new man gives you what you need to be happy then explain as best you can your situation and let him know you arent expecting anything after the impending break up. Good luck.
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2009
Thu, 09-03-2009 - 4:45pm

You are not married. And I would get away from your room mate ASAP. You both sincerely tried, it's truly sad, but it didn't work out. Do the right thing, accept the pain of the break up and - break up. I would also tell this guy the truth. You live with someone and it's been bad for a very long time. Whether you date the new guy or not you still need to find something better than your current situation.

Married means married. Not dating, living together or even having kids together. You are not married. Be happy. Your roommate should be happy as well. It's time to make the break. The other guy is irrelevant. But hopefully you guys can be happy. :)