What should I do? Guilt and Pleasure? need a quick response
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|Thu, 10-18-2012 - 6:21pm|
Please help me decide what to do..
I have been in a LDA for the last 6 months. I see the AP typically during the week while we are both traveling to the same city.
He makes me incredbily happy and we have a wonderful time together.
Unlike most people in affair, I am very lucky to have a wonderful husband of 20 years that I adore and terrific, young children. Why I am having a affair has only come to me since I started therapy after meeting my AP. I understand why I am with and attracted to my AP and why ending the A has not been emotionally possible for me yet- and I am not sure when it will be. What I do know is that I never want my family to find out about this, I want to grow old with my husband and have no interest leaving my husband for the AP. It is very unlikely that my DH would ever find out- with the long distance and very little contact with the AP when I am at home- so it is fairly safe (posting on this board is the most unsafe thing I do).
Since I typically only see my AP when I am traveling for work and during the week, the relationship hasn't directly affected my family. I would have been traveling anyway, it is just instead of going to my hotel room alone those nights, my AP is with me.
One thing the AP (who is divorced and has two teen kids) and I crave is just a normal, non-hotel, domestic experience. I have been to his home a couple of times, but always during the week and there is always something going on at night (dinners, meetings, etc). I decided somewhat spur of the moment to make plans to go see him this weekend- when we can just relax and be with eachother without any obligations.
I decided to go this weekend because my kids were going to be spending the night with family and my DH was going to be out of town... so essentially I was going to be home alone.
Well, that has changed. It is complicated, but for the most part because I was planning to be out of town (which my DH thinks is for business) my husband had to cancel his trip to take our kids to events, etc.
I now feel like if I go, I will feel so guilty for leaving my family behind, making my husband do everything, missing the kids events, etc. But at the same time, the tickets are bought and paid for (non-refundable) I really want to go and spend this quiet time with AP and if I cancel last minute my husband will wonder why...