what type of single other woman are you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
what type of single other woman are you?
25
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 9:53pm

Ladies, i was reading an article today at the manicurist. the article was written by a man warning married men who were involved with single women and the benefits and drawbacks of this type of emr. the newspaper belonged to the manicurist so i couldn't ask her to give me the article. if i can get a copy of the article from the writer online, i will post it on here. anyway, after reading the article, a thought occured to me based on what the writer said.

part of what he said was that some women love to get involved with mm as they don't want the responsibility of a full time relationship. i then thought to myself that there seems to be three types of s.o.w. 1.those who are in it for the money and other benefits-house, car,trips all over the country or wherever/vacation 2.those who are continuously involved with one mm after the next, cause as i said above, they don't want the responsibility of a full time relationship. they cannot be bothered with cooking and washing and other domestic chores for the man and 3. those who want a full time and permanent relationship with the mm eventually, which means you (the s.o.w.) would want him to leave his wife. this one definitely involves love.

well i was a number 3. which of the three are you? will check for the answers tomorrow. good night everyone.

k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Fri, 12-25-2009 - 12:07am
ok, you are category 2. i see what you mean. you just want to be on your own. no full time relationship.
k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Fri, 12-25-2009 - 12:11am
seems like you will have to take some sort of decision. you don't seem too happy. cheer up, girl. i don't believe the friends with benefits story, either. FWB, don't live with each other.
k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Fri, 12-25-2009 - 12:15am
seems like most of the s.o.w. who have responded so far are category 3 and only 1 so far is category 2. i have another question to ask, but i won't ask it yet. i will wait until i get more responses.
k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2007
Fri, 12-25-2009 - 1:37am
Nope, I am not too happy now. The next few days he's out of town, I have major decisions to make. Currently leaning toward telling him I'm now single because he is still living where he is. It's been a year with little to no effort on his part to change that. And, as such, being single I am "available" for dating. May not progress to sex with another guy but I definitely want to keep my options open because he is no longer who I thought, and therefore not who/what I ultimately want. Like I said, the sex is incredible, so for that reason I would be willing to remain friends. If something with another guy progresses in the direction where I think things could get serious, at that point I would break it off with AP.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Fri, 12-25-2009 - 9:24pm
I am definetly number 3.
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2009
Sat, 12-26-2009 - 2:15pm
Definitely #3.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 4:11pm

"Definitely #3. We are head over heals in love. ...... he is planning to leave his W. (just hoping the "planning" translates into actually "doing"). If he does not leave his W, I will end the A. Will be extremely difficult but I am not in this to simply be the OW in an ongoing relationship."

you MUST be me. i swear. I agree with you 101%. i am definitely the sort of person who is not willing to be the OW in a continuous relationship. no sah(no sir). not me at all. i so agree with you. when i was with x-mm, we did not do any planning. however, i used to say,"let us talk about our future" but to tell you the truth, i didn't see any future unless he left his wife, which he eventually did but as i said somewhere else on this board, while he separated from his wife for other reasons, he took too long to start filing for his divorce, so i had to leave him. but i WAS definitely a number 3. i don't see my self in any other category. that is the reason why i fight to stay away from m.men as i can't be in any other category than 3 and a mm CANNOT ALWAYS give me a long term relationship (in other words, he isn't always going to leave). so i stay away.

k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 9:45pm
anyone else, before i post question number 2? oh by the way i almost forgot. IF THERE ARE ANY MARRIED MEN ON HERE WITH SINGLE OTHER WOMEN, YOU CAN POST TOO TO SAY WHAT TYPE OF SINGLE OTHER WOMAN YOU HAVE according to the categories i created above. After that i will go to Single other men.
k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2009
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 12:17am

I'm a number 2 who is at risk of becoming a number 3. I have definitely gone from MM to MM. I mean, they haven't all been married, but if it wasn't a wife it was a live in girlfriend. I have noticed that I trend towards interactions with involved men at times in my life when I don't want a meaningful, committed relationship. I mean . . . casual sex (one night stands) is not my bag at all, but what I mean is that I don't want a man that I picture myself turning old and gray with. I would almost call it FWB with most of my MM. We get along great, have common interests, would probably be interested in dating for real if they were single . . . but they're not, and I'm realistic about what I'm getting when I sign up. I want to spend some time together, go out some of the time, have awesome sex, and NOT spend the nights at each other's places or go any further in the relationship. I am an independent woman who pays all of my own bills and works hard, and I don't need a man to meet those kinds of needs for me, so I'm definitely not a number 1. But I do like the lack of committment that goes along with dating MM.


I say that I'm at risk of becoming a number 3 because one time in my past I did fall in love with my MM. That ultimately ended with him breaking up with me because he was not going to leave his wife and felt like he was at a crossroads where he needed to either decide firmly that he was going to make it work with her, or decide firmly that he and I were going to try to have a real relationship. They went to counseling and last I heard, they are doing well together and happy. I was very hurt by the end of our relationship but time heals all wounds. That was about 8 years ago, and now I'm mature enough to feel happy that he and his W made it work. But . . . I'm not so naive that I don't think falling in love with my MM will never happen again. We'll see.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 10:02pm

Well, I'm a former WS/OW. My AP-now BF left his live-in girlfriend last year and moved in with me. He's been here about 16 months. And even though almost all the worst things in my life have happened to me and most everyone I love in that time frame, we're still very much in love and he's been a HUGE, HUGE source of support and strength for me. I thank my lucky stars every day for having found such a wonderful man.

When we started, though, it was definitely a #2 situation for me. I mean, it was #1 for him - he loves to spoil me, but I never ask for it and have never expected it. But after I left my husband, I stayed with BF because, well, I was newly free from a 20 year relationship. I was NOT interested in getting tied down again. We loved each other, but not enough to do anything serious or permanent about it.

But the love grew and grew and, like I said, we've been living together not quite a year and a half yet. We've been "together" for 6-1/2 years. Wow. That sounds wierd to say! Amazing to me that it's been so long.

Does that help?

Lucky




Edited 12/29/2009 10:28 pm ET by luckyme814