What Was He Thinking???
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What Was He Thinking???
| Fri, 05-28-2004 - 12:45pm |
You will not believe what just happened! As I have said before my MM and I work together and see each other on a daily basis, just NC on the weekends. He doesn't know that I come here to talk to you all and has always told me never to tell anyone. Well, DUH!!!
Anyway, he told one of the men that we work with, he didn't tell him anything about the feelings that we have for each other, just that we have had a sexual relationship. Well it doesn't end there, this man confronted me about it and I filled him in on all the rest of the details all about the L word and other things. What now? I'm freaking out here, why did he do that. I feel like he made me out to look like a terrible person, by not telling him that there were feelings involved. Please someone talk to me, I'm so losing it right now.
Anyway, he told one of the men that we work with, he didn't tell him anything about the feelings that we have for each other, just that we have had a sexual relationship. Well it doesn't end there, this man confronted me about it and I filled him in on all the rest of the details all about the L word and other things. What now? I'm freaking out here, why did he do that. I feel like he made me out to look like a terrible person, by not telling him that there were feelings involved. Please someone talk to me, I'm so losing it right now.
Thanks

Did the other man from work ever express an interest in you? My initial reaction is that he's jealous, and thus trying to make you feel guilty about messing around with a MM. If this guy from work is married, he might be jealous he is too scared to have an affair but would really like to. Or if he's single, he might be jealous that the MM gets two women while he has none (or one.) Or maybe he just wants you and doesn't have a chance so he'd like to mess up the MM's happiness instead.
Is he your MM's rival in any way? Maybe the guy from work said, "I'd like to give RJH the lovin' like there's no tomorrow." That might have set MM off. Or if they are rivals, he might have mentioned just the sexual part to 'one-up' him.
Look, men who are anywhere close to peers or equals view each other as rivals, potential threats to our being the alpha male. I'm not saying we're all proud of that. I'm just telling you that's a real possibility because men are stupid and stop thinking when we are: (a) faced with women we are attracted to; and (b) faced with a rival.
rain
I don't know your MM, so it's hard to guess. I'll make a few suggestions for possibilities, but if I were you, I'd personally twist the truth out of this fool. And yes, I know none of these are really very flattering possiblities, so again -- get the truth from the horse's mouth. As always, I might be completely off the mark.
He might have told his rival there were no feelings because he wanted to make you sound like a plaything, thereby reducing your value as a "prize." He might have told the guy that because he hopes he will make a move and get him off the hook. He might have told him because he wants to act like it's not a big deal so the rival has nothing to gain from holding anything over his head. Maybe he wants to paint himself as a pure stud.
But if he said no feelings were involved... well, I'm evil. I won't tell you what I'd do if two women were doing this to me. But it would make Dark Vader flinch, I promise you that.
rain
(who pretends to be a better person, but who still enjoys well-deserved revenge)
I just love your replys. You don't know how that picks me up, I need everyone of those I can get these days. My MM and I have been together, as you know from previous posts almost 2 years, this is the first time that I have been this angry with him. He is already gone for the day which is probably a good thing and we will have NC until Tuesday morning. My anger will stew all weekend now and believe me I will get my revenge. Don't know how, but I will come up with something. Any ideas.....anyone???
--- William Shakespeare
LMAO.
Yes. Lots of ideas for revenge. Properly stewed and spiced with your own pain for a weekend, then left to cool, I'm certain this particular Dish Full of Revenge could be served ice cold yet still remain tasty! Well, for the server, anyway.
But I'll offer you something else instead.
Take the weekend. Cry if you want, stomp your feet, buy cheap dishes from Wal Mart in order to smash them to tiny bits... whatever it takes. Purge, purge, purge. Shop, shop, shop.
Then, when you can't scream, cry or afford to smash or buy anything else, sit down and write a letter of advice as you would to a close friend in your situation. Be honest. Be forceful but gentle. And be a good friend.
Then next week... don't explain, don't discuss, don't vent... and no matter what, don't be drawn back in to his little circle of game playing. Start your week by reading your letter from your friend, take that good advice, and show up for work a new woman. A single, free, amazing, confident new woman with nothing to lose and day upon day of possibilities ahead of you.
You deserve no less than this and continued happiness. Don't take any more disrespect from this man. End this a winner by walking away, despite how sweet revenge might seem. It's sort of like Chinese food... it's tasty but not very filling. And seeing you happy without ever crying on him, pleading with him, pouring out expressions of love... believe me, that will be payment enough.
Good luck. I'll be thinking of you.
rain
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
--- Mahatma Gandhi
You know what, as bad as I hate to admit it, I still love this man & as right now feel that I always will. He can make me this angry and still the love that I have for him keeps burning right through that. Is that not awful of me to feel this way? Out of all he has put me through there shouldn't be anything left.
What do you do for a living? You always know just what to say to make me feel better. I have even gone back and reread my earlier posts and your replies to those.
Your OW is very lucky to have you in her life!! Give her the message, wish my MM were more like you.