What was I thinking?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
What was I thinking?????
12
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 11:26am
All of you probably know by now that I am in week 9 of not having been with MM. We are in contact daily due to the fact we work together. Everything has been great there. He has even called on the weekends to check in, which lets me know that he is thinking about me when I'm not around. The reason he states for our distance are he has "issues that he needs to deal with on a personal level". He just needed some time. So I have been giving it to him. I have not initiated contact even at work. He wants "time" I'm going to give him time...........so.....here is what happened this week. On Monday he begins coming to my room again on his lunch. He sent me a note in the afternoon. Just to say hi, check in, gets a little hug. Nothing major. Tuesday we have to opportunity to eat lunch together and this is great. He comes and sits with me and we have good conversations with fellow workers and again sends me a note in the afternoon......Wed. He comes to my room twice during lunch. Once to ask me how to check his school email and he also motions with his head towards the CLOSET (RED HERE WE GO AGAIN!!!) and I just laugh (cause I don't know what to say.....remember the "TIME" thing) and he just leaves smiling. Then he comes back again and wants me to actually show him how to check, send email. I do this leaning over the desk with butt in his face (how's that for making him question the "TIME" ISSUES) He sends me emails in the afternoon, trying to get the hang of how it works. He says if it "don't eat oats he don't know how to work it". Anyway, he gets the hang of it and we email back and forth all afternoon. General conversations. After school he again comes to my room....let me say it's the first time in 3 weeks my daughters haven't been there with me, so I am alone and he comes in and closes my door and wants to know where everyone is. I just say I don't really know and he askes me to go to the closet and I just smile and raise my eyebrows.......not yes and not really a no..........he smiles and turns and walks out my door.....


Ok here is my question.............WHAT THE HECK IS HE TRYING TO DO TO ME?????? I mean, I think if he was the one that needed time, should he not open this with at least some explanation about what's been going on the past 8 weeks????

Red, I hated to pass up that closet deal, cause I know we all want moments like that. But I was paralyzed and speechless. I just feel like I deserve more after being so patient with him about this distance he has put between us. He is very much a person that doesn't confront the issues. He is very personal about everything. I've said before he has many friends but not close to any. He has told me early in this relationship that he is closer to me that anyone, almost as close as he is to his mom (whom he is very close to). We talk about anything, so why can't he just try to talk to me about this.......is going to the closet his way of trying to tell me that everthing is back to normal or just an impulse he is feeling for the moment?

Was I wrong for not taking that step???

Kitty

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 11:29am
Tomcat, you are my inspiration for CLOSET SEX, so are you Red. i am going to try this on OM when he comes home next time. *grin*
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 11:58am
Kitty -- I think you played it just right. He really does need to get over whatever is conflicting him (whether or not he can talk about it -- and some people just need to working things out on their own). And I get the feeling from your post that you want more than to just be his 'closet' girl. I'm not saying you're asking for him exclusively, or going beyond the bounds of the EMA, just that you are requiring his respect too. That's not too much to ask. Be proud of yourself, hon. In my opinion (for what that's worth), you did the right thing given the circumstances.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 12:00pm
OMG JULIET..........IT IS THE GREATEST!!!!! of course I had to actually clean my closet out!! ha ha but well worth it......remember to wear a skirt!! I am actually blushing.


Kitty

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 12:10pm
You got a good "ambush" out of it,eh? Good for you girl!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 12:13pm
Sister, Yes you are right, I think it was about respect. I mean, the closet was ok when things were going great. It was a great way to sneak in a few minutes of just sneaking kisses, etc. But right now things have kind of been on edge. I know that he wants to be with me, he told me that point blank, but as long as he is dealing with stuff then he needs to keep to himself and work it out. I don't want anything other than for us to just have this A and be happy and enjoy each others company. But at times like this he does crazy stuff...........I just want a "committment" on this very fragile level. I think there has to be one, almost more than in other types of relationships, because it is so secretive. There are times he's just called me out of the blue and caused it to be ackward with my H. I enjoy it that he can be spontaneous like that but in some ways it is not a good thing....like calling on Monday of my family vacation to Flordia, just to say hi and see if we were having a good time!!! I mean, HELLO, NOT A GOOD THING. So this is not unlike things he has done, I just think he needs to be more respectful of what he has put me through this time. We leave the motel after a night of staying up ALL NIGHT making love and then this distance.......... It makes me crazy.

Kitty

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 12:15pm
Okay Kitty:

I WANT CLOSET SEX NOW!!!!

Do you think it's the same alone? Hmmm, could be better. LOL

I'M JEALOUS

I think that's just his way of flirting with you, and to let you know that you're on his mind (and in his pants) LOL

It's so cute! This has made me smile today.

Oh, and if happens again - I say, "coat check?"

Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 12:20pm
I want some closet sex, too....

I'll take it on the couch, in the bedroom, on the floor, in the shower, in the car....

This is pretty bad...I miss my MM.....Hey, sweetie...if you're out there....hurry home!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 12:20pm
Sorry about previous post, I didn't mean to diminish your feelings.

Of course, you should expect more. I just thought that sounded like fun!

I'm sure everything will work out, and he will open up soon.

Thinking about you

Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 12:45pm
O Red You didn't do that at all!!! I ACTUALLY LAUGHED OUT LOUD!!! That was great. I am all up for "coat check".....I just want him to be sure. And I guess I know he is. A friend of mine tells me that I just need to have confidence in myself that he does want to be with me. He has NEVER said anything about wanting us to be apart.(well not since last year in March) so I think it's just those guilty feelings that creep in. I was so devastated after finding out about all of my H's A's that I took a great blow to myself esteem (that dirty word again), but for me I know that is actually what happened. I just felt undesireable and did have a brief little fling with my 25 year old neighbor (omg) and that did the trick!!! Ha Ha, except that he now calls me all the time and the sex just wasn't that GREAT! Anyway, it brought me back to knowing that I am desireable and men do look at me. I just have this fear that MM will be with me because he thinks that I will rat him out if it ends, or that I will act badly......that is crazy on my part isn't it??? I have his cell # and have only called it 3 times. Only then because I missed his calls. I wish I could over come this feeling of inadequacy that I have. I feel it's only baggage from my bad marriage and I try not to let in carry into A.

Ok enough of the whinning.............


I will "COAT CHECK" on the next invitation........surely there will be more to follow.


Thanks Red for making me smile and laugh.

Kitty

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 12:47pm
I hope your MM sees you soon....................I want sex now too........I am having MAJOR WITHDRAWALS. Seeing him everyday just makes it worse............I think my hormone level is up today!! ha ha

There are definately times I know that I could use 2 quality minutes and be "fixed" temporarily......

HAVE A GREAT DAY.........KITTY

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