WHAT WOUD YOU DO???

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
WHAT WOUD YOU DO???
7
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 1:20pm

Hey folks-


I'm sure I'll get killed on this one but here goes. MM with AP in LDA. I like to play poker. Poker is a game of skill. I am fairly good. I have won 12 out of the last 14 times and making extra money. I also have full time job. I love my wife. We have had our problems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 5:19pm

Hey amexdm,

MM here in a 5 year A with a MW.

Here's what I think. Work it out with your wife...there must be some compromise you can come to. Can you limit the poker to just 1 - 2 night a week?

Or, is it possible that you are trying to create a situation where you justify the end of the M? If she doesn't support your poker, and she doesn't have sex with you, then it's okay for you to leave the M without any regret? If that's the case, here's something to consider,

You don't need a legitimate reason to leave a M.

Whatever reason that is good enough for you, is a good enough reason to leave. I see so many of those of us in A's, who say they are "stuck" in a passionless M. If we are in a M and need passion, then we should feel that it's okay to leave. I find this reason particularly interesting because most states even recognize a lack of sex as legally valid reason for a D. If state legislatures think it's legit, why don't we? :-)

Anyway, I hope you find some peace and strength to move things forward.

MPV

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 6:33pm

POV,


You make some excellent points and thoughts to ponder, thank you.. I have hid poker from her for 10 years because i knew she didnt like it.(no hiding anything is not good but most of the guys I know who are married lie about poker and

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Thu, 02-25-2010 - 7:48am

What is it you want to do Amex? Do you value your M above all else? If you didnt have AP would you entertain the thoughts of a D over the poker playing as it seems to give you a boost of self worth (naturally winning at something makes us all feel good). If W would lose weight, could you dump AP and still consider D an option if the poker argument wont go away?

It must be hard to have the one activity you enjoy and are good at being the sticking point with your W. I would-if it were me- dig my heels in and tell her that its your one hobby and it isnt hurting you financially so she should let you be.

My only suggestion would be to make a deal with her that you will give her __% of winnings for her to tuck away for that rainy day she is obviously waiting for so she feels like she has a little control with what you are doing while she isnt a part of it. Either that or teach her to play.....

Good luck in both areas!

SB

Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2009
Thu, 02-25-2010 - 8:53am

W or poker?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Thu, 02-25-2010 - 11:11am

MTW...

I agree with your comments and thoughts, but this line really struck me...

<>

Ain't that truth...with our APs too.

MPV

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Thu, 02-25-2010 - 3:06pm

sometimes,


You bring up some excellent points and questions. If wife loses weight I would probabaly get rid of AP and be with W. Im actually working on getting sex back in my marraige. Its not that I dont love her, but the passion is lacking. Passion is very imp to me. Dont half ass anything! I have chosen marraige over poker for 5 years now. Clock is ticking on making some money. Poker is something I love: competition, thinking, finacnical gain. Alot of former athletes cant get enough of it.


She even watches poker on TV with me for hours. She knows all the players and loves the game. So make me watch it but I cant play? Crazy.


My plan was to tell her Ill pay her a % of winnings. So Ill take your idea ty. I would give her 25% and gosh wouldnt that helps us both. Arrrrrrrrrgggggggh


Amexdm

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Thu, 02-25-2010 - 3:31pm

mytwisted,


You women and your ultimatums. Sheesh. Yes but I understand. Sometimes us men drag our feet on some issues. Glad to hear a MW womens point of view!