What would make you give up MM?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
What would make you give up MM?
12
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 4:24pm
i've been thinking alot today about what it would take to make me give up my MM and the A.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

Pages

Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 4:54pm
His W catching us:) or boredom! NMR
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 5:18pm

hmmm... I haven't thought about that... don't really like to... but here goes...


I guess if MM ever thought that we should end it... then I would have to respect that and move on.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 6:05pm
Today is not the day to be asking this question...I am so mad at MM right now...I could SCREAM! So, being in the mood I am in...I would have to say I would give up this whole A if he does not start putting just a little more effort into seeing me...I was spoiled in the beginning...we saw each other on the average of 4-5 time a week...then once the holidays came around, that average dropped considerably...I have not seen him since Thursday...and the way things look now, I may not see him until Sunday or Monday...I know it may sound like I am whining and I know there are alot of you out there who would give anything to have the time that I have with MM but this has just been eating me up inside for the past week...I have been questionsing why I am in this A at all...I am single...honestly my feelings right this moment are...if I met someone tomorrow that I thought may be a potential relationship...I would call MM and tell him where to go! Now this thinking is a lot different then a few weeks ago when MM and I had the discussion of what will happen when I meet someone...I honestly said that until I am in the situation I won't know for sure but just hypothetically speaking, I would continue my relationship with MM because I love him that much and I am not ready to let him go. sorry for ranting but this question just came at a bad time...forgive me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2003
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 10:27am
Gosh Gurl, haven't been able to come around here for a couple of weeks, and you have become a CL.. congratulations, you deserve it with your sound advice!!!!!

You have asked a hard one, that deserves some thought. I agree with Sweet.. If he asked, I would stop it, and vice versa. BUT I never see that happening. I often have thought about his DW (or DH for that matter) writing to ask me to, and it would be hard to not end it to stop the pain for them, being the one in the 'wrong' so to speak. I believe that even that could and would not keep us from communicating to some level.

I do like the statistics someone wrote, that only 85% of the woman have affairs once, and 80% men. THIS, I can understand. I do not seeing it happen again, ever for either of us. There is just something so right about this picture of ours, that can not be replaced. And if we have to say good-bye, for what ever reason, including death. I will come here and cry my heart and soul to all of you.

In conclusion, nothing would make me give him up, it would have to be a mutual decision. Even the pain, and the downsides, I can live with, if it means having him only a little to give me a smile when I need it, to bring me up when I am down, listen to his guidance, and to get my head straight when I can make no sense of it all... He is a good friend, first and for most!!!

Hugs, and congratulations again.

Mitzy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 10:35am
Mitzy, I have to agree with you. One question, is your MM a long lost love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 10:44am

hey mitzy -- thanks for your good wishes!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 11:57am
If his W or my H found out...although there's really nothing to be found out. Being caught by people we work with. Me getting pregnant with my H. MM's wife getting pregnant. Although most of those things probably wouldn't end it forever; just put a hold on things for a while. Honestly, I think as long as we work together the feelings are always going to be there and they'll probably just keep getting stronger, which is why I see this eventually causing us both to leave our spouses. I can't fathom doing that to my H, but I can certainly imagine MM's marriage breaking up. I think he'll probably be single first and then I'll feel pressured and I don't know what'll happen. I used to hope that one day I'd wake up and the attraction would be gone. This morning I was looking at him while he was talking and I noticed he's kind of pudgy in places and his teeth aren't all that great and he's really not that good-looking a guy. But just as I was thinking, "Why does this guy have a hold on me?" he turned and gave me one of those looks he gives me and all those thoughts were erased...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 12:59pm

lilah -- the harsh light of reality versus the unpredictability of the heart -- happens all the time.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 8:17pm
Well... MM and I are seven years into this; we've been up and down and all around, not to mention off and on... and we've endured. It's certainly not the same relationship that it was the first couple of years (akin to any long-term relationship, where the infatuation phase needs to be built upon to make it solid and lasting). We've asked each other this question, actually.

What would make me 'give him up'?

1) If I caused more pain in his life than pleasure

2) If he caused more pain in my life than pleasure

3) If it was causing more problems than it was solving in our respective marriages.

That would have been a really tough question a couple of years ago. Now it's clear-cut and easy.

Kari

Avatar for aimless02
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 9:05pm
Tough question Gurl...Guess I'd have to agree with Mommy on this one. His happiness means the world to me. Him being in any kind of pain is unbearable.

Pages