What would you do...
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What would you do...
| Fri, 05-21-2004 - 12:20pm |
What would you do if you found out your DH or DW was also involved in an A? Would you still stay in the marriage? The question was posed to me by my OW.

My M is bad so and I do not love my H really. He's a good guy but that's about it; I have no desire for him but would I if I knew someone else did desire him??? Not sure.
I'm of no help to you...sorry... just rambling now...
v.
Been there, done that...my DH was involved in two or possibly 3 A's early on in the marriage. Stayed with him, had his children, truly forgave him. We have a happy, loving marriage. Only negative side effect (from his perspective, not mine) is that here I am in an A of my own. I love both H and OMM, and I just consider the two relationships to be completely separate, in the same way, for example, that having one close friend does not make it impossible to have another close friend. I think OMM feels exactly the same way about his W and me. Separate, but both women essential to his happiness.
hope that helps and welcome to our board!
barefootgirl
If my W suddenly announced she was in an A? I'd congratulate her and try not to let on how excited I was (though truly, I would be happy for her, she's not a monster, she deserves to have love too.)
Then in a few days when I thought it was appropriate I'd bring up the idea that we should sit down and iron out our divorce plan, maybe even "do it ourselves" so we could file quicker and so we can both move on. Of course, she doesn't currently know about my A, but I would still get away with being so forward-looking and supportive because I've always been that way for her -- always told her she should pursue whatever she wanted, even years ago when I thought that meant leaving me for a better job.
Anyway, I can't honestly think of news I'd rather have today. LOL. I wish she'd have an A, it would make things easier.
rain
6 years later I am eating every word I ever said. Now I am sitting on the other side of the fence, and can see how it all started for him. Stale relationship... but, no I didn't leave out of a deep love, and our children.
Seeing love from both sides,
Jen
:)
dd
Yep, he'd be gone.
HOWEVER....I spent a month or two after the affair started trying to see if I could live the double life. Trying to see if I was one of those people who could decide she was complete and whole, just that it took two men to make her so. It didn't work for me. But, oddly enough, I think if H had been having an affair, it would have been easier to do, so I may have been more likely to stay in the marriage. Isn't that wierd???
Lucky
My DH and I haven't been intimate for a long time - over a year, maybe hitting two. If he was having an A, at least I would know he was getting some, and I wouldn't feel so bad since I'm getting some, but elsewhere.
If he'd have shown that kind of love and devotion to our kids over the years, kept away from the drugs/alcohol, worked a steady job, and let me have a voice in this M instead of yelling and bullying me, I know I wouldn't be in this A, either.
So if he were to have an A, I'd probably see it as my ticket out the door. Terrible, huh?
Virgogirl