What would you do?
Find a Conversation
What would you do?
| Fri, 04-16-2004 - 1:39pm |
I know what I should do, but I don't know if I can resist. I am a 46 year old married male with 2 kids who has a great marriage for the last 21 years. I truly love my wife, and I always will. The only real issue we have ever had in our marriage was that she had a brief emotional affair 7 months ago with a co-worker. I was hurt badly (maybe still am,) but she ended it immediately, and we moved on. Now the shoe is on the other foot. An intelligent, beautiful 32 year old unhappily married woman and I are attracted to each other. After too many drinks a couple of weeks ago, we danced together and had a great time. Nothing physical occurred, but I could tell that both of us wanted more. She has stopped by my office a couple of times since then for business reasons, and the chemistry is still there. Here is the problem. This weekend both of our spouses will be out of town. We have not made any formal plans to get together, but the possibility that we will run into one another is pretty good. Every functioning brain cell in my head tells me to end this before it conceivably starts, yet I want to be with her so badly, that I can't even begin to describe it. What do you think of this situation? What would you do? I'd like to talk with a friend about this, but obviously I can't. Please offer suggestions or experiences that might help me through this. My heart is literally pounding as I write this.

Pages
honey, only you know the answer to all these questions and you have to make up your own mind. unfaithful or faithful -- it's your decision. but taking that step over the line to a physical A is huge and guilt-inducing and maddening and exciting. it's a rollercoaster, no doubt about it. if you want to keep faith with your W and M and have a steady ride in life, just say "no". if you're looking for excitement, revenge, attention or just new sex, have the A. but be forewarned. it is not an easy path, even once!
think about what you're risking here. if you love your life and your W, just say no.
good luck.
life
I suggest you don't go places where you can run into that woman this weekend. Better yet, get the hell out of town yourself. Leave your cell phone at home and stay away from communication devices.
Think long and hard before jumping on this heart and mind wrenching roller coaster, man. You have NO IDEA what a rough ride you are in for.
I wish you the best of luck in your decision. Please keep us posted.
If you are ready for that, then great! Go ahead. I was ready. I was unhappy in my marriage, though. But it sure made my marriage go quite downhill. It is a constant struggle every day to put on my mask in my marriage as I try to get things figured out financially and emotionally before I make the plunge to the big D. But that's several months away at least, and I have to deal with my fear of being caught every day and the emotional ups & downs because of my growing relationship with MM.
My affair will continue, for as long as we both want it to, at the moment I'm just taking it a day at a time. Yes there have been problems in the affair, its a very emotional ride to be on. If I don't hear from him, or he changes our plans, I feel so down, but then when I know I'm going to see him, and for a few days after, I feel on top of the world.
You have to do what your heart tells you to do - but be aware of what you are risking, both by having an affair, and by the regret you will feel if you don't. Without my affair I would have always wondered 'what if...'. Life's too short for what ifs, so do what you have to, just be able to look back in a few years and feel happy, not regret.
keep us posted.
Vamp
I tried to say that we were not going to sleep together, but the little bit of will power I had remaining went away back in January at a conference. It was an amazing experience - I have to say the best sexual experience of my life. So, as I had feared, it just made me want more, and more, and more. So here were are in April and we have managed to find a way to be together for at least a few hours at a hotel every week since January. We enjoy each other's company immensely, and we are still good friends.
We are both married and have no intentions of leaving our spouses. I still love my H and we are hoping to start a family next year. As for my MM, I don't know where that is going. I realized this past weekend that I am falling deeply for him, and it scares me. I think about him constantly (I have since this past fall) and I miss him when I can't see him. I want to say that it doesn't mean I love my H less, but I don't see how it can't change my feelings for H. It's all very confusing.
I would advise you to not go down this path, but it sounds like you have already accepted that it's going there. I was the same way - I couldn't believe I was doing it, but I just went along for the ride. I will tell you though that although our time together is wonderful, it is also a heart wrenching, painful experience. I am constantly amazed by the people on this board who are so settled in both their M and their A and are happily juggling both. I hope that one day soon I am either at that same point, or gone from this board completely and back to focusing on my M.
Good luck to you and keep us posted! This board is a great place for support - it has helped me out a lot even when I'm just lurking!
I don't think I have ever been "happily" married in the right sense. I have been content but not really felt like I was with a husband but a good friend. I have not felt intimate with my husband probably ever. I was very young and immature (21) and just felt like I needed to do something with my life at that time. In other words it was a long term solution to a short term problem!
I love my H, but he is like I said a FRIEND. I don't want to hurt him for the world but I have a strong need to be with someone I can connect with in an intimate as well as social way. I get that with my MM, although his story is different, he says he has a good relationship with his W just that she isn't affectionate and doesn't have the same sex drive as he does. We are more alike that way.
Pages