What would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
What would you do?
3
Sun, 11-16-2003 - 9:13am
Ok, heres the situation.... I started a new job in Feb of this year, for a small company in a very small town. Rumors started flying immediately that I was having an a with the owner even before I started working there because we spent a lot of time talking in public long before I started the job. Once I actually started working for the guy, we had more time to talk 'privately' and were still not having an a. Anyhow, because we did have more time to talk privately, we discovered that we were a lot alike. We think alike, we even have certain mannerisms that are alike and at social settings we have both seen them in each other. (The way we stand, the way we talk with other people, just all kinds of things) We became the best of friends and there isn't anything we don't share with each other any more. It was months before we actually did anything. Now, we are actually having an a. Now, we are able to be more intimate, its very private, no one gives a second thought to seeing us around town together any more because we are ALWAYS together. And now that our business has moved into the hotel industry, its not surprising to see us show up at various hotels with both our cars either. So, because everyone is so used to seeing us around town, no big deal any more. We have expressed our love for each other, actually mm was the first one to tell me that he loves me with a passion thats deeper than anything hes ever felt for anyone else. When he and I are together, I am more open and able to express myself without fear that he might actually hate me for what I think. We both went into this with open eyes and I am facing the possibility of losing my job completely should his w ever find out whats going on. Now, heres my problem, my office is at their home and his w comes into my office on occasion to talk and I am actually pretty ok talking with her now, so I never let anything slip and I am ok there.... BUT, she has now invited me and my dd to spend an entire day with her and a couple other women making christmas cookies. I am not sure what to do. Should I bake cookies with the w whose husband is my partner in more than just business? Or should I feign some excuse why me and dd can't spend that day with her? What would you do? I am torn! I don't want to be rude to her, she is after all, my boss' wife as well as my lovers wife, but at the same time, I feel like a heel trying to be friends with a woman with whom I know her husband is blatantly cheating on her with me.

Thanks!

Avatar for stillwingy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Sun, 11-16-2003 - 11:21am
I'm not sure I can be much help but I will give you my personal experience with this. My MM and I also became best friends, realized we are practically the same person, etc. Well his wife and I tried to be friends but she became very threatened by my friendship with her H- she could sense our closeness becoming more, just never had any proof. This made for a very difficult situation and add to this your daughter being present. Looking back I really wish I had never tried to be friends with her too, thought it was the right thing to do since I spent so much time with her H and kids but it made everything so much more worse. It's possible in your situation the wife will react differently but don't count on it. If you are so much like her H she will pick up on it and probably already has a nagging suspicion as it is. Good luck whatever your decision!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2003
Sun, 11-16-2003 - 8:14pm
I'd skip the cookie party and avoid her as much as you can in your work situation. If she ever DOES find out it will be worse on both of you if you have had any type of a friendship going on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Sun, 11-16-2003 - 8:28pm
Avoid getting to know your MM's W. She may be trying to get to know you so she can find proof of your relationship. Enjoy your A like a fine champagne.