what is wrong with me
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| Sat, 11-01-2003 - 10:02pm |
Had a great date last night and today am wondering what my problem is...
I am thinking I may not Ever be able to love someone else.... be with someone
else... I thought I was heartbroken enough over theA.. to keep trying to
find someone ... the I meet a nice guy and here I am crying over it... after hearing a song on the radio... the first cut is the deepest... I'll try to love again but I know....
yada yada ... you get the idea...... I want a man who will tell me he loves me...
put me first......Yet I can't make myself beleive that MM and I will not be together
someday.........I don't know what to do...... I hate him for how i feel... i hate him for not being with me....... i want to have him morning and night.... breakfasts and dinners and all the time in between......how do i make myself believe it will never be?

i love my MM, i believe him to be my soulmate. i know i "deserve" a man who is available, who i will have a real future with, i don't want to be the "OW" forever. i also don't want to date, don't want to give up our wonderful times together, and don't want to stop seeing him. We're stuck between the proverbial rock and hard place, and no matter which way we turn, it's gonna hurt like hell.
For now i keep going. i believe i will know in my heart when it's over, when it hurts too much, when i simply can't anymore. My MM promised to come be with me but then "changed his mind" and i am slowly letting go of the idea of our "future" together. Slowly would be the key word but i am getting better. i just believe in my heart i will know when it'll hurt less to leave then stay.
Good luck
jenny
I know it's hard either way with or without him... he is my
soulmate and I love him like no other. I keep trying the dating
thing hoping someone will "help" me fall out of love with him.
Even these no-call times ( like I am going through yet again)
have come to remind me that he struggles with his feelings also, so
I've learned to let him go through "the wife and kids thing"
and let HIM miss ME.... It took me a long time to realize this but
we've known each other for like fifteen years and been involved in this A
for 5yrs, and yes, even through my pregnancy with my daughter..... perhaps
even most of youi think that awful... but I thought she was his and he loved me
when my husband ignored me.
Who knows where we will be 10 years from now, but I'm here alone and crying
and his with his family.... I don't mind having someone to at least go out with
for an evening , no one can replace him for me.