What is wrong with me? (Long)
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What is wrong with me? (Long)
| Mon, 08-16-2010 - 4:14pm |
Am I crazy for wanting out of my M? I am not sure how much my EA has to do with it, but I do know that I was not happy in my M before this EA. I spoke to H about my feelings and he has been struggling with it ever since and not in a positive way. He has become very insecure and has become very suspicious of me. We have been distant for many years and until I became involved in this EA I was numb. I didn't think I could even feel anything for anyone. It's not that my H doesn't want to work on the M and get close again, I have no desire to get close to him again. If it weren't for the kids, I would leave. He refuses to raise the kids as we have been doing, as friends/roommates. He wants a W, but I don't think I can be that for him. It has been 4 yrs with no intimacy. We just grew apart and now I feel nothing for him. What a mess! My H is a good person, great father, I'm just not in love with him anymore. I thought about playing along and just sticking it out for the kids, but is that really fair to myself? I figured I could have an A and get what I was missing from my M that way. I'm not sure if I could live like that. I am so conflicted because I have someone that is willing to give me what I want, my H, but I don't want it from him. Ugh!

jersey... so many of us here have been/are in your shoes :)
Unfortunately, there are no easy answers. Have you and H tried MC?
I understand EXACTLY what you mean about feeling "numb"...I felt the very same way up until AP and I ended (for a few months)...and I learned I can absolutely still feel! The pain was almost unbearable, then I went through a little phase where I was glad to be feeling pain rather than nothing at
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
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You've
Hi Jerseygirl,
My situation is somewhat similar to yours. However I married at a very young age. Now
I'm in the same quandry, jersey.
I am a fellow Jerseygirl in the same situation but Im also wondering what is wrong with me for feeling the way I do and making the decisions I made.
I look back and wonder what/how I was thinking and maybe its true we grow to better understand what we really want or maybe I am just selfish, Im stuggling to figure things out.
Im starting to think that maybe other diversions from the other man or husband might be the best thing for me right now as tough as that may be. Let me know if you want to chat sometime