What's Best?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
What's Best?????
14
Sat, 08-09-2003 - 2:30pm
When do you make a final decision whether to stay in an A w/MM or to let it go? The pain of not having him in my life is as brutal as having him only sometimes. The only difference is that with him sometimes, I can feel up close & personal how much he loves me...& I can love him back.

It's days like this when I'm happy not to own a pistol.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
Sun, 08-10-2003 - 11:37pm
I know what you mean about not knowing if for sure how MM feels. It hurts so bad not knowing. But when you see how he looks at you, it somehow makes things worth it. I know I have a low self-esteem and this makes it so much worse. But, in my case, MM gets so mad when other guys hit on me or his friends get too friendly. It makes me laugh!! I love the attention it gets me. Like last night, MM and his friend was camping. I went out there after a wedding and had a dress on. I was freezing. I needed a jacket. MM's friend offered me a shirt. MM got really mad. He said he would have gave me a coat. His friend felt really out of place and so did I. His friend said no problem. But MM could not find a coat so I had to use his friends. Not good!!! Caused problems with them two.

One night MM stopped into the bar with two of his friends. I was in there with my girlfriend. His friends were hitting on me. MM got mad and left without even telling me bye. I called him on cell and asked what's up? He said he felt like the 3rd will. Whatever!!! He came back and picked me up; wouldn't even let me drive my car home. Kind of cute how jealous he was!! I told him if he'd just tell his friends I was his woman (he's getting a divorce), his friends would leave me alone. He said they knew and they didn't care. Well, then they aren't very good friends in my opinion.

Over all, I know my MM cares about me. I just don't understand why he's scared or afraid to show it more. Especially since his divorce will be final this month.

I guess there's a reason things like this happen. I just wish a light bulb would shine on me and fill me in!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 1:36am
Hi Kira,

I'm sorry you can only feel how much he loves you when you are face-to-face (I take it that's what you meant). You should be able to trust that he loves you, even when you aren't together.

No one person should allow their happiness to depend on another's actions/words to the extent you are - it isn't healthy. If you are leading a full and happy life, then you would know whether or not your relationship with MM is meeting your needs/expectations, or not.

I am not critisizing you - just some "tough love". Yup, I've BTDT...was unhappy for not having more time and wanting more with MM, and considered ending the A. But, I wasn't happy in other areas in my life either, and it was an extension of that and nothing to do with MM or the relationship. Once I worked through the other areas in my life, I felt better in myself, felt better mentally. I considered that I felt balanced with MM in my life as an A partner - if I didn't feel balanced, because I felt better about myself, I would have ended it with MM. Because let's face it - what's most important is our own happiness and balance - if we don't have that within ourselves, then there ain't nothing that can fix it, whether it's family or friends or a lover, or hell even money!

Got balance?

If so, then you know whether or not your relationship with MM is adversely affecting your balance. If not - then find it! - pull up your socks, gurl, and accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative until you're happy and balanced.

Hope you find some peace and happiness,

Meow



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 9:05am
You misread my note, Free. I KNOW how he feels. My point was that it would be easier to bail out if I didn't know that he loves me. Since I know he does it makes it difficult.

Your MM's jealousy is cause for concern. He seems a little overly possessive considering the fact that it's HIS marriage that prevents the 2 of you from being together. Men are idiots.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 9:11am
Insightful. I'll have to re-evaluate, Meow. I thought I was happy (as possible, anyway) until he returned. Then I thought I was happier with him, though I knew immediately that he'd disrupt the balance. Now I just ain't happy at all. :) I'm sure that's a direct result of my involvement with him & the fact that our great communication began to diminish once we started sleeping together.

I'm gonna go put on some socks so I can pull 'em up this morning. LOL. I really need a kick in the pants 'cause goodness knows I wanna phone & cuss him out this morning.

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