What's going on Boston?...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
What's going on Boston?...
17
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 11:28am
you sound very down today! Just been reading through everything this morning and your posts caught my attention. How are things with you and Foxy?...come on, spill your guts and tell us. Let it out!!


Charlotte

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 10:16am
Hey Boston,

You are human!!! Glad to hear you are better today. Don't question her love anymore -- put your trust in her; isn't that what true love and intimacy is all about? Have faith in her. Sounds like you two have a good thing going (and a powerful connection), and I think with enough time, things just might work out! Glad we could help you out.

Enjoy your time with her today!

Charlotte

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 12:28pm
gosh, boston, you are soooo connected!! she called you 2x yesterday to make sure you were okay since she just knew you would be upset about her holiday plans.

you're not questioning her love, you're just frustrated and chomping at the bit to be with her night and day. keep the faith with her, honey!

and enjoy lunch ;-)))!!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 2:32pm
Edited


Edited 4/26/2004 2:22 pm ET ET by boston53
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 2:37pm
isn't grumpy one of the seven dwarfs?! so of course, you're an idiot and a grump because you can't have what you want, when you want it! aren't we all in the same position??

but lunch was good, you got a smooch AND you have a holiday event to do with her and right now, all is right with your world. good for you boston!! enjoy all the warm, fuzzy feelings right now!

now go get the tree, will ya!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 9:51pm
Keep us updated Boston (let us know how the tree-trimming goes). You are very lucky that you have some hope of a future with her -- if those feelings are that strong and real, I doubt this could stay an A forever. Please know how lucky you are; I am falling for a man (a pretty damn amazing man) I know I can never have. *sigh*

Charlotte

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 9:31am
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Thank you for that observation. It's really making me You know, a while back MM said that he thought that I put a lot of this off on him. By giving him control, it makes it easier for me to sit back and not take responsibility for any of this. If he didn't put the brakes on, I would have to because yesterday when we were talking about meeting again I point blank asked him how we would get past the guilt. He said we'd be fine during, but after the guilt would hit hard and he'd probably push me away for a while. I told him I don't know if I could handle that, so obviously we're not ready to meet yet. But I'm just a mess... I think a therapist would say that because of my rejection by my father when I was a child, I tend to automatically protect myself against that. I may be hurt, but I'll be DARNED if I let MM know about it. So I play games, which aren't good either. Maybe I should try being a little more stable! After reading this post, I tried to call him and he didn't answer. Now I feel stupid for trying to call. I was only calling to say hi, so why should I feel that way? It's crazy! Last time he backed away I tried NOT backing away and it didn't help or hurt. Well, it hurt my PRIDE but that's about it! For instance, we were talking and I whispered that I wanted him and he said, "For what?" then kept talking as if I'd said nothing flirtatious at all. He told me yesterday that when he's keeping his emotions in check his feelings don't change; he's just trying his best to MAKE them change and get them under control but he always fails. My question is, how do I remember that when the time comes that he's pushing me away? Literally it's like night and day...when things are going well and we're "on," he looks at me as though he could just ravage me right there. Then when things are going bad, which will happen so suddenly it makes my head spin, those looks stop entirely. He doesn't look at me like he desires me, but what he keeps trying to get through to me is that he STILL DOES during those times; he just feels so guilty that if he expresses it, it bothers him. Me expressing it to him doesn't seem to make him feel quite as guilty but I can't just keep throwing sexual innuendos at him when they're ignored or rejected. I really have to do some thinking about this because my feelings for him just keep getting stronger and stronger. The times he pushes me away hurt deeper not because of the rejection but because I simply MISS him. I keep thinking, with the holidays coming up, we're going to have some time off from each other anyway, so there's really nothing to fear. We'll just flirt as hot and heavy as possible all the way up 'til the 23rd and then we'll have a couple of weeks away from each other, plus it'll take us a while to get into the swing of things after we return to work... So maybe I'll ride out his "cold" time this time by being away with my family and not even knowing about it! That's my PLAN anyway, but you know what happens when you try to plan! I'm starting to think it's an every-other-month thing. We were good in June, August, October, and now it's December and things are going well... July was really hard because I was adjusting but the other months weren't as bad as I like to make you all believe. At least he doesn't go 100% NC. We still see each other every day and talk and we even occasionally have sex talks during that time...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 12:47pm
lilah, girl, you did put the tip of your big toe in those swirling waters of pride to just call him and then pulled out that toe and ran the other way just because he doesn't answer the telephone! talk about a scardy cat!! can you just take a few more baby steps to extend your emotional self by making a call or email first, just to say "hi" with no pressure or sex talk, so MM doesn't pull back from you? try it -- really it doesn't hurt!

and there's nothing we can say to you to make you believe that just because MM doesn't demonstrate ALL THE TIME how he feels about you, that he DOES ACTUALLY feel that way about you! obviously he DOES care about you, but he shuts down when he needs space to regroup. try to remember during those times MM is shut down that he does always come back to you when he feeld emotionally ready. he obviously cares about you, or he wouldn't feel guilty, would he?!

relax, and be strong,

gurl




Edited 2/17/2004 3:25:33 PM ET by gurlfriend50

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