What's up ladies!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
What's up ladies!
10
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 4:22pm
I just got back from a meeting i had to go to for work, even though you sweet ladies did not give me any support earlier i am feeling better now. I still miss mm and want to call so bad but I made the last call and asked him to call me so i will wait. i really feel as though i may need to just leave him alone, he really doesn't seem to think us is really important and that really bothers me, i want to see him and be with him and lately he is really not into us like when we worked together, well maybe i need a new mm or sm or something cause i have been very patient and i am getting sick of waiting and haveing no place in his life not 2nd 3rd or 4th i have no place from what it seems, these f**ING roller coasters i hate it why can't i just get what i want, i think another man would jump on this and he is acting all shady lately, i just wish we would at least stay in contact as far as talking he can't even call me once a week for gods sake, please i really would like some words of wisdom i feel really confused one minute i want to end it for good i don't get much anymore anyway so why bother than my feelings tell me no i care for him and he is just busy, but that is getting old making excuses for him. he really has the ability to see me atleast once a week if he wanted but it is not important to him like it is to me. what do i do? should i call him and ask to speak to him in person and ask him if he wants to stop totally or what does he want cause i want more and he is not giving in and i find myself stressed more than happy. answer's comments help!

princess

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 4:35pm
I'm new to this whole situation so I can't give you much advice. I am dealing with me wanting my OM so bad that I have a weight loss issue. I am down 14lbs in the last 2 months. AAGGHH!! Just sending you cyber(((((hugs)))))!!!!
Avatar for fantasycomingtrue
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 4:53pm
Hey Princess,

That's kinda been where my last 6 weeks-4 months have been.

I got really insecure and needed a straight out answer, wrong move!! In Nov, I said "Is this gonna happen or not?" He replied w/a "I was leading you on, I am in love w/my wife and not in love w/you." Fine, so it stayed Nov '02 to Feb '03 on which Valentines Day he got it into him to be persistently calling to take me to dinner (to see how my marriage was going 'as friends'). I was a mess that morning thinking all my feelings and instincts had been horribly wrong all this time. So, when I finally answered the phone, I just stayed quiet when he started asking questions. He asked me if I called at a bad time, I said no at first and then I said yeah it was a bad time.

The past 6 weeks have been off and on and fighting and not trusting the other one is going to be good to us. I know that we have something big b/c when I said once at midnite on cell "If you are so f'n in love w/wife, then get all you need from her and leave me the f alone." And we still talked the next week.

My point is, if you have something he wants or needs...breathe... and let him come to you. It is so so so much more worth it than if you are groveling for his attention. Believe me, you are talking to someone who is paying dearly for trying to change the tables on someone who saw my most insecure side and it is difficult as heck, but it is possible!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 5:25pm
Sorry you are having a hard time now. I know it must be difficult to try to make a good decision when your heart is involved. You really just need to dig deep and see what makes and doesn't make you happy. Everyone has a different threshold but you'll now when the time is right. Hang in there. P.S.- I really am not liking this new format and I think a lot of post get lost because they get bumped down and are not seen so I'm sure that's why no one replied the first time around ((((HUGS))))
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 7:11pm
I went thru a similiar situation for the past 4 months with my MM. His habits changed drastically & I was confused, bitter, sad because he couldnt give me the answers I needed. He did keep me hanging on....but at the time it was happening I decided to do my own thing since he wasnt calling or concerned with what I was doing. Believe me, it was hard. But in the end now we are back to our loving constantly in touch, hopelessly in love selves again. He's told me he has come to realize that he loves me & wants to be with me & plans to leave his M soon.

I'm thinking maybe your MM needs some "time" away to realize what he needs. He's missing you. But your entitled to some answers so if you feel you need them then he should give them to you.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 9:45pm
I'm sorry you didn't get any response to your first post, makes it tough when you really need to hear from someone and there's no about. I haven't been able to get on much today w/ work and house guests. The only advice I can give is to take some time and decide what YOU want out of this EMA, you know where he is and the way he's treating you. Do you really want to continue this way? I know that the ups are wonderful but how many ups are you getting compared to the downs? It's a tough decision to make, he adds a spice to your life that if you end it won't be there any more. But what's harder to live with? limbo land or ending it and moving on with your life? It's a tough one I've been batting it around lately too (course it was mostly PMS for me) I hate to see anyone lost and hurting and this post may seem pretty harsh but they are questions someone posted to me once and questions I ask myself. I hope you find what your looking for and find some peace. Be strong. Blue
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 10:02pm
Sorry we weren't here for your earlier, Princess. I think we're all still trying to get used to this board.

Wow - you don't sound better! I haven't read the other responses, but I should think someone will have asked you if the good is outweighing the not-so-good?

Yes, I do think you should talk with him face-to-face if at all possible. BUT, I don't think you should put words in his mouth (ie., "do you want to end it?") - when he may not even be thinking that. Try and relate to him how you are feeling, and ask what he is thinking - see if you are still on the same page.

If you aren't on the same page still, Then is the time to consider ending it. Until you can talk with him, try not to assume what is going on in his mind, ok?

Hugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 8:34am
thank you, and sorry to hear that, it can get so hard and i am also new i think that is why it is so up and down with me, you really need to relax and take care of yourself, remember it should be more happy times then bad and you should not be losing weight. i hope all is better soon.

princess

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 8:47am
I really appreciate your kind words thank you, i am new to this and have always needed a lot's of attention and mm always gave to too much i might say and now i miss that and him so much, but you are right i do have so many things he needs desires and wants so he will be back i just wish sooner than later but it is always worth it. take care and good luck.

princess

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 9:38am
I am so happy to hear that. thank you i needed to know i am not the only one. i will wait and it is soo hard but i will have no other choice, and if he doesn't come around it was ment to be that way he must want his w. i will be sad but it will not be the end of the world. but hopefully he will come back around. thanks again

princess

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 9:47am
thanks blue,

i needed to hear that and you are right, i have come to realize that now at this point in this thing i got going on with mm is not what it was at first, and i don't like nor will accept this change, if this man wants me then it must be on a regular basis not only on his terms, i need to get something out of this and he was giving me way more when we worked together and now not so much, so my mind is made up i will no longer consider this situation an ema it is more like fwb and i can't get feelings invovled anymore or i will not get what i want out of this, and that is what i have allowed to happen is i feel for him and am ok with it and he i know feels for me and he can not deal with that reality. so i need to take so me time to see if i can deal with him in my life on that level cause that is all he can offer me and that is real.thanks again i will keep you updated.

princess