What's with these OM, anyway?!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
What's with these OM, anyway?!?
3
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 4:29pm
OK, I'm starting to get slightly annoyed with OM. Maybe someone can help me by shedding some light on this type of behavior.

Some quick background info: OM and I are teachers in the school district (different schools, though) where I live. Been friends with OM for a year, physical for 3 months. OM was going back and forth about the A, felt guilty. I am M he is engaged. Several weeks ago, he told me it was over, I was devastated. I pulled back, he changed his mind. Went out last Wednesday with a group and kissed him, even though I vowed not to.

OK, now, after last Wednesday, I decided (at the good advice of some wonderful women here) to pull back even more. Well, I received several calls and e-mails over the weekend. I didn't answer any of them, except to respond to a joke he forwarded me yesterday (Sunday). Well, today, I received 5 e-mails at work and a voice mail on my cell phone after work asking me to call him when I got home, he has "stories" from work to share with me. I did respond to 2 of the e-mails because they were work-related, but haven't responded to the call yet.

Now, maybe I'm just reading into it, but I feel like he's trying to get me to call him. He also alluded in several of his e-mails to how drunk he was Saturday night, I guess trying to get me to ask him what he did this weekend, which I never did. I am kind of annoyed because I feel like there's a bit of game-playing going on here. The minute I pulled back, he increased his efforts by 100%.

In one of his e-mails today, he even suggested we go out after work, but I said I already had plans, which is true, but I wouldn't have gone anyway. When this whole thing started, we agreed that neither of us was interested in ending our current R's. We had a strong connection and wanted to explore the physical side of that connection. I felt like I was becoming too emotionally involved, and I think pulling back has helped that a bit.

Does anyone else's OM waffle back and forth like this? What should I do? I want the A to continue, but on my terms, not his. Do you think I have the "upper hand", or does no one have the upper hand in these situations?

Thanks everyone for your support and advice. I don't know what I would do without this board to come to.

:)

Circe

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 3:07pm
Circe - I know exactly what you mean! My head knows that MM is struggling with the relationship and the roller coaster that goes with it, but my heart goes crazy with these odd games. And we don't get to complain!! I don't have any advice - unfortunately - just wanted you to know that I don't think it's all that unusual.

Whatnow

PS - I like to attribute MMs quirky habits to the "y chromosome defect" - in fact, that applies to all men! They can't help it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 3:43pm
I resent that comment. I know it was made in jest, but to suggest that all men are somehow unreliable or unable to decide what to do with their lives is not only unfair, it is completely inaccurate. Now I'll be the first to admit that I'm not like most men emotionally. But I believe we're all human beings and each person has their own way of dealing with stressful situations. Based on what you described icirce, I think your OM has second thoughts about the situation but also still misses and desires you. He certainly should respect your wishes to step back, but he is human and he apparently is having problems sticking to it. If you don't want contact with him, then don't have contact with him. You don't need his permission for that. You control who you have in your life. Is it maybe that you can't decide yourself what to do? Just a thought.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 4:45pm
Sorry omaha - I thought of you as soon as I posted - my comment was absolutely in jest! No offense meant. :)