What's wrong with me???
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| Fri, 09-25-2009 - 2:19pm |
I really don't know where to start. I will try my hardest to explain things out. I have been married twice. My first marriage lasted a year. Second 15yrs. I'm currently living with a guy. I can't seem to call him my boyfriend though. We have been living together for at least 2yrs. He seems to adore me, But I'm really no to sure if he is always being honest with me about things. I know he isn't cheating on me though.
I'm the one that is cheating though. I have cheated even when I was married the second time. It never seems to bother me really. I mean there are times, I do feel bad for him and if they are married to someone else. But it doesn't last. I will still have sexual encounter with them. Ido see a counselor and have talked to her about this. I told her I seem to have this girl in closet that comes out once in awhile and she is very naughty. I try to keep her in closetand lock her up, But she still seems to find away out once in awhile. When I say a girl, I mean this girl aboutthe age of 16 or 17. See When I was that ge I was and have always been in serious relationships. I just never been out there dating people.

Wow.
Hi Gwennie,
I kinda understand some of what you are going through. I have many questions I want answers to about myself. I think that by you going to counseling you are headed in the right direction. I think I could use some myself.
How was your childhood? Maybe thats related to it. I believe my father not seeming to care about me and him taking me with him while he had his affair had a tremendous effect on me. There are so many life situations and traumas that shape our personalities and form certain behavior patterns in us.
But we can change if we trully want to. I believe that with God and the knowledge he has given to doctors, counselors and therapists that we can be the best we can be and not continue to live
I do have questions, I just don't know how to ask them or really clear on them. Growing up My mother drank, My Father would beat my brother. There wasn't much showing love around there. But I must say My mom hasn't drank in over 20 yrs. I'm so proud of her.
When it comes to sex, I really don't feel anything. I can't understand why I don't. I try prducts to put on thats suppose to help and they don't. I have affairs, and I still don't get any relief from that either. Only that I tell myself see I can do that, Or while I just did that so there. Feeding that inner part of me thats missing something.
To the gentlemen that posted before, No I can't say I feel sorry what I have done or am doing. Thats whats makes this so hard. I can't understand what the problem is. I have this need to feel wanted,loved,to know that I'm sexy or Hott. When I get that feed then I'm like wow, I must be ok. It's hard to explain what is going on inside of me.
Then theres the whole bi/lesbian issuse..Am I or Not?? I had this best friend growing up, We weren't that young no younger then 11. I think we were like 13 or so. We would both bathe together, Lay in bed naked together. I can't seem to remember all of it. But I think we might of kissed or touched your breasts. But nothing serious. I would if that there say anything about my sexuality. What do you think? Yes, I love talking to my counselor, But like hearing from others on there take of things. More advice I could use.
Thank you for listening to me.
Live,Laugh & Love
Gwennie....
Live,Laugh & Love
Gwennie....
I would think if you don't feel anything when it comes to sex then you would need to find a therapist that can help you with this. It seems that the counselor you are seeing is not addressing this? This is core in being human and if you are not feeling anything then there is something missing and nobody can give you that relief, only yourself.
My take is that the question of your sexuality is secondary to your healing. I believe as you heal then the answer will emerge on its own. I believe this is related to you being shut down about sex.
Take care,
Mark