What's your definition of "cake eater"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
What's your definition of "cake eater"?
53
Fri, 04-16-2010 - 9:05am

...and by your definition, are you one? Is your AP one?

My definition of "cake eater" is a married person, having no plans to leave their marriage, having a relationship with someone else, and liking to have both relationships. There are no talks of "being together" in the other extra-marital relationship (OR, there IS talk, but to the cake eater married person, this talk is just that - talk. They are saying the words because they want to keep the other person in the R and have no real plans to ever leave the marriage, no matter what they say).

There are some married people here who have admitted that they told their "other person" they were more unhappy in their marriages than they really were, and talked about leaving when they had no intention of doing so.

In my definition of "cake eater", the cake eater can have a very loving and affectionate R with their OP, but they just don't ever plan on leaving their spouse - they want both.

I admit I'm a cake eater. I've been nothing but honest with my OM about that. He has no expectations of me leaving my H. What we have seems to be enough for him; he thinks of it as a relationship, not an affair. (I know, it IS an affair, but to him it's a quirky relationship).

Do any of you worry that your AP might be a cake eater pretending to be otherwise? Are any of you happy cake eaters? (like me LOL)

Proud to be a





You've

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008


cake eater

–nounOlder Slang.
1.
a ladies' man.
2.
an effeminate lover of ease and pleasure.

Thats an online definition of cake eater :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010

LOL ya got me there.

Looking online, there's no definition of cake eater that is close to the way we use it here.

But "having your cake and eating it too" sure says it all.

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009

I am definitely a cake eater. I'm actually worse than that in that i pretend at times to be willing to leave H for AP when in reality that's close to impossible. And if i'm arguing or fighting with H i run to AP for support (emotional). I also dish out a lot of drama on my AP that H wouldn't put up with. Stupid, i know. Not to meantion mean.


Is AP a cake eater? That's a harder question. I'm not too sure. I would say no as he often talks about us being together, making a life together. I haven't really tested how true that is as i don't want to disappoint him. Ie. i'd only do that if i

Sunshine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004

I am S so I am not a cake eater.


AP he says his W is moving out when their daughter goes to college this fall -August or September.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010

HMMM,

See, I somehow always would have associated sex with being a "cake eater". I mean, honestly, can you really be a "cake eater" if you aren't having sex with your spouse?

I know this is going to sound off the wall, but there seems to be a fair number of people (myself included ) here that are, or believe that they are, in a sexually monogamous relationship with their AP. Let's assume that they are, meaning the APs are each other's only sexual partners. Can you be a "cake eater" if that's your circumstance?

I know Lexi tried to tell me that "cake eaters" aren't in it just for the sex, but I'm a guy, so what do I know anyway.

MPV

Avatar for earnhardt_jr_fan
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003

To me a "cake eater" is someone who has absolutely no intention of leaving their marriage, but they won't leave the affair either. They want both and honestly aren't willing to give up either person.

I was a cake eater in my first affair - I wanted it ALL (him, dh, etc). The second affair was much different considering I left my marriage to be with AP/BF. So, no cake eating there. lol.

Do you all think whether you're a cake eater depends on YOU or does it depend on AP? Like me for example - I was a cake eater and then I gave it all up to be with AP the second time. So, was it something in ME that changed or was it something to do with my second AP?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2010
I have to put myself, and my AP, in the "cake eater" category - at least for the near-term.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008

cl-lexione,

To be brutally honest,just like you have been honest,I will just say that this post has left a bad taste in mouth.I cant imagine how can 'cake eaters ' be so proud to act so but then again,ONLY cake eaters can do that,if you kwim.

If that how the men/women are on this board,I may not even want to visit it again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010

Hello,


I ended things with AP this week but relapsed and ended up in his arms again. I'm so disappointed in myself but to answer your question yes I do think I'm a "Cake Eater" and enjoy it

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2010

I don't know your story but anyone who has an affair is a cake eater in my opinion unless that person is single and having an affair with married person.

What is the definition we know of affair(extramarital affair),its that one person is married and have a sexual or emotional relationship with some one else so that is having your cake and eat it too,although some do get divorce and but not right away ,so they spend some or more times cake eating.So after divorce its not called affair anymore.

So in my dictionary
AFFAIR = CAKE EATING.

And we are not proud of what we are doing.

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