What's your definition of "cake eater"?
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| Fri, 04-16-2010 - 9:05am |
...and by your definition, are you one? Is your AP one?
My definition of "cake eater" is a married person, having no plans to leave their marriage, having a relationship with someone else, and liking to have both relationships. There are no talks of "being together" in the other extra-marital relationship (OR, there IS talk, but to the cake eater married person, this talk is just that - talk. They are saying the words because they want to keep the other person in the R and have no real plans to ever leave the marriage, no matter what they say).
There are some married people here who have admitted that they told their "other person" they were more unhappy in their marriages than they really were, and talked about leaving when they had no intention of doing so.
In my definition of "cake eater", the cake eater can have a very loving and affectionate R with their OP, but they just don't ever plan on leaving their spouse - they want both.
I admit I'm a cake eater. I've been nothing but honest with my OM about that. He has no expectations of me leaving my H. What we have seems to be enough for him; he thinks of it as a relationship, not an affair. (I know, it IS an affair, but to him it's a quirky relationship).
Do any of you worry that your AP might be a cake eater pretending to be otherwise? Are any of you happy cake eaters? (like me LOL)


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I must say,there are soo many contradictions about using the term 'cake eater' ! In one thread a poster or her AP is a cake eater and when the poster is down on the rollercoaster, there comes the sugarcoated advice !
I guess its more drama orientated !
I think sometimes when people get worn out emotionally or tired of a certain situation they may say things that they really don't mean. What I'm saying is -- we all know that we get emotionally tired in an affair. Every single person has days when they just can't take anymore. They're tired of it being a secret. They're tired of stolen moments. They're tired of not being able to show how much the other person means to them. I think that when we start to feel this way, we sometimes say things we don't mean (and even don't believe). I know when I'm upset I say things that I don't mean at all - but, I'm just so bothered that it comes out.
I don't think whether someone is a cake eater is a "drama" thing. I'm sure there were times when my AP/BF questioned whether or not I was a cake eater (I wasn't this time around - but I'm sure to him there seemed like times when I was).
My definition of a cake eater would be a person that is in a relationship while also having an A but has no intentions of changing either relationship.
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