When he doesn't want to fall in love.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
When he doesn't want to fall in love.
19
Tue, 05-25-2010 - 8:00pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Tue, 05-25-2010 - 8:08pm

Ohhhhh! I really feel for you :-)


This is where I've been for the last 4 years!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2010
Tue, 05-25-2010 - 8:17pm

I am the one trying to keep things purely physical and he's falling for me which makes me feel terrible

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
Tue, 05-25-2010 - 8:26pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
Tue, 05-25-2010 - 8:30pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Tue, 05-25-2010 - 8:36pm

even in non-A Rs, life is not a romance novel/movie, and rarely do both feel the same toward each other.. in an A, the differences may even be more pronounced..


but it hurts like hell.. for you that you feel "unrequited".. for him that he is not at a place to respond in kind..


my view is that your AP is using his mind, and protecting the both of you for the long run.. too much E in an affair never ends too well or lasts too long.. an A has its own challenges to begin with and throwing in a whole bunch of E just hastens the demise.. he is wise to see that..


so, your question, how to deal.. well.. find a common ground.. such as that you both care for each other.. very much... that you have a good, sharing friendship.. and a satisfying P R... make that your foundation to build upon.. and control your E so that you are at the same level as he is... so that you can continue w/o losing your mind and him.. if you truly love him, you will find it in yourself to make that sacrifice.. and, in the long term, you will see the benefits..


but don't feel the need to hide your E.. be up front.. be honest.. yet, see that being at the same E level is a win-win for both..


can you try that?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Tue, 05-25-2010 - 8:41pm

Ooo I think we may mob you for your insight into the other side too!


In what way does it make you feel terrible and does it make you want to end the A?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
Tue, 05-25-2010 - 8:55pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2010
Tue, 05-25-2010 - 9:17pm

It makes me feel terrible bc he's single and if he could have it his way we'd be in a real relationship, but I'm M and it just can't happen!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Tue, 05-25-2010 - 9:28pm

Ok ...first of all {{{hugs}}} I think you need one :-)


I have been here Wise, feeling like I lost something because he moved the goal posts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
Tue, 05-25-2010 - 9:42pm

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