When he's supposed to call and doesnt...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
When he's supposed to call and doesnt...
11
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 8:08am
It's been 5 days now and still no word from OM - I broke down and left him a message asking him to let me know if everything was ok...Im having a very hard time with this - I'm not an emotional wreck or angry as I would normally be when he does this. Im deeply saddened by the realization that Ive come to expect to be disrespected by him. I find it hard to swallow the fact that I have come to the point in this EMA when we can have plans set and I dont even count on them coming through, just the opposite in fact, I count on not even hearing from him. I have examined myself and my involvement in this EMA very much over the past few days.

We had plans for Saturday and I talked to him at 8 pm on Friday night and he didnt know exactly what his obligations were for Saturday yet. He asked me to shut off my cell so he could call and leave me a message so I'd know what time he would be available to get together...Saturday all day, no call...sunday all day, no call...monday all day, no call...tuesday all day, no call...I left him a message at 4 pm Tuesday asking if he was "ok", it's now Wednesday...lets see if he calls...

It's terribly hard to not be worried about them and it's not like you can make them return your calls...worse part is that I've come to expect this mistreatment from him...I'm just not feeling very good about myself right now...

I just hope when he finally gets around to calling that I can work through this matter taking my best interest into consideration instead of falling victim to my weakness for him...

Anyone else been here?

Liberal

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 11:13am
I don't think it's a matter of rude or polite as much as how men deal with their feelings. If they aren't calling for days on end, it's probably that they're avoiding you. That's just my experience but I have had a lot of men pull this junk on me and I've only had one A. I go back to my dating days, when they didn't call when they were supposed to and acted all 'what's the big deal?' when they finally did call. Sometimes it was that they were busy -- men have a tendency to be unable to multitask and if something else is going on in their lives, they tend to focus on that until it's finished. But I think they also use that excuse a lot when, yes, maybe they're busy but also they're avoiding you. They know they're avoiding you but you're confronting them on it and, since they're still avoiding you, of course they're going to come up with an excuse. Heck, probably part of the reason they didn't call for so long was that they knew when they did call they'd get the third-degree on why they didn't call. It's not that I don't believe in the importance of communication but you have to also play into things a little and find what works for your situation. If you usually freak out when he doesn't call for a while, try NOT freaking out this time and acting like it's no big deal. You've been busy too. See if that helps. I think that's what solved my problem. The first time MM didn't show up when he was supposed to when he finally did, I grilled him and he said, "You're joking, right?" He was honestly shocked I was reacting the way I was. And it made things WAY worse. I think that time we had problems for about three weeks, where normally they last a couple of days. So I never did it again. If you'll just back off a little, you might be surprised how much they come forward. And if they DON'T come forward, you have to ask yourself if you want a man you have to constantly chase around...

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