When they talk about their spouse

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2008
When they talk about their spouse
9
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 1:54pm
AP usually doesn't talk about his wife alot, but lately in conversation he'll just mention her alot. Nothing bad, just things that she did, about her work, or things they've been doing together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 2:06pm

I think, when I started to mention my H more to my OM, it was when I really relaxed and became friends with him. I guess, if I were going to share the tales of my life, I HAD to get comfortable mentioning H or I would have had to re-write everything in my head and change details. Did *I* go to a party or did *we* go - it changes the whole thing if I make it seems like just *I* went somewhere... OR do I not mention the party at ALL because we both went, so, maybe I don't tell him anything and act like I had a boring weekend at home... but wait I wanted to tell him what I heard someone at the party say and what that flirty girl I always talk about was wearing...

See? I can't really share my life and feelings with him if I don't mention H.

I don't think OM minds. I only mention H when he's part of the story. It's harder because my OM is single too. During times he's been dating, he talks about the woman involved also, again to share what's going on with him, what's new and what he's been doing.

Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2008
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 2:21pm
My AP never mentions his W. I learned her name just by being nosy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 2:30pm
I'd be very uncomfortable if the Spouse's name kept getting mentioned in my presence. It would be like he's mind is always on her. C'mom, you're with me for now, give it a rest. I know you're proud of her, so why are you with me? KWIM?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2008
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 2:59pm

I agree with Lexi that spouses are apart of our lives and when just talking about things we did over the weekend or whatever, they are bound to come up, especially once you become really comfortable with one another.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 4:39pm

Yeah - this is always the tricky part - huh?

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 8:11pm
My ex-AP would sometimes refer to her using a nickname he gave her, Spud.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2008
Fri, 10-31-2008 - 3:50am

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Edited 11/23/2008 8:37 pm ET by pisces2008
pisces
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
Fri, 10-31-2008 - 6:08am

My ap and I talk about our spouses quite openly, he often asks how are things at home with H. But i agree that after a time together it becomes more comfortable. It doesnt bother me in the slightest after all she is a part of the life he is living when not with me. I know i have to accept that as he has to accept my life with H. We are both working towards leaving our partners eventually (what the future holds who knows), and we both understand and realise that if that was to be then as we both have children our partners are always in one form or another going to contribute to our conversations at some point. We have a very open relationship and can talk to each other about anything without taking offence or find that we have to guard our words.


I guess if your not comfortable with it then raise it with him, i guess its not what you say but how you say it.


SS x

"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"


"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Fri, 10-31-2008 - 8:11am
me too....mine never mentions her or her name....but i know her name first maiden and last.
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss