I don't disagree with your post, but don't the same categories apply to MW as well? I kind of see my AP MW the same way and don't currently see a path in which she chooses to leave her H. Unless, and I have wondered this, she is really just waiting for her H to leave her.
I doubt there are simply two categories, but I think there is one aspect that you didn't capture. I know I run the risk of being called a "coward" again, but I really do think that in there is an important aspect of the challenge for MM ( and MW ).
That is really a great way to put it. I completely agree. I am struggling with where my marriage is headed, which is documented elsewhere on this board, but a big part of my struggle comes from the idea that I will, in fact, be leaving my M for my AP. Of course, she isn't giving any sign of leaving hers at this time. This all adds to the uncertainty.
For those that think that is cowardly, so bet it. It's only recently that I have come to feel, despite the 5 year A, that I need to end my M. I know that it will be the best thing for myself and my W, regardless of my AP. Up until now, it was never a question of whether I could, it is really whether I would. I am more confident in that feeling now.
My son is nearly 15 and I couldn't have imagined not sharing the workload with my W. About sharing it with someone else though... always remember that you are sharing it with someone; your son. It's great that you are soaking up motherhood. It's a terrific indication of how much you love him.
Zooya - your post made me sad, but I am so glad you have your little one. My situation is slightly different from yours, but nonetheless, I am involved with a MM. I love him. I love him with all I have, but am slowly coming to terms that he is not leaving his marriage. He is even less than honest about it, but that is another story in itself. I know somewhere deep down in my heart his truly cares about me, but a part of me resents him for lying all these years. I want to be his best friend and am willing to listen to anything he has to say to me, but he is just not there. He is leading this double life and I had to find out that he was M.
I have several of my own of categorizing why he stayed with me all this time. We were together two years and then I found out he was M. I broke things off and left. A little over a year later, we re-connected but strictly as friends, and so I thought. Weeks/months went by and things progressed. We are now in a relationship again. I thought he might have been separated in our time away, but that is not the case. I hurt, but think it may be time to end things.
Why do they do it? And if they are in it for the thrill of cheating why do they still with one person? Why not just find others to "hang out" with and keep moving? Why involved feelings and emotions.
Wow!
Zooya,
I am a MM having a 5 year A with a MW.
I don't disagree with your post, but don't the same categories apply to MW as well? I kind of see my AP MW the same way and don't currently see a path in which she chooses to leave her H. Unless, and I have wondered this, she is really just waiting for her H to leave her.
I doubt there are simply two categories, but I think there is one aspect that you didn't capture. I know I run the risk of being called a "coward" again, but I really do think that in there is an important aspect of the challenge for MM ( and MW ).
How do you manage the child you have together?
Male POV:
You are glad? I am not sure about that! JJJ
Hey zooya
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Of course, it makes sense.
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That is really a great way to put it. I completely agree. I am struggling with where my marriage is headed, which is documented elsewhere on this board, but a big part of my struggle comes from the idea that I will, in fact, be leaving my M for my AP. Of course, she isn't giving any sign of leaving hers at this time. This all adds to the uncertainty.
For those that think that is cowardly, so bet it. It's only recently that I have come to feel, despite the 5 year A, that I need to end my M. I know that it will be the best thing for myself and my W, regardless of my AP. Up until now, it was never a question of whether I could, it is really whether I would. I am more confident in that feeling now.
My son is nearly 15 and I couldn't have imagined not sharing the workload with my W. About sharing it with someone else though... always remember that you are sharing it with someone; your son. It's great that you are soaking up motherhood. It's a terrific indication of how much you love him.
MPV
Zooya - your post made me sad, but I am so glad you have your little one. My situation is slightly different from yours, but nonetheless, I am involved with a MM. I love him. I love him with all I have, but am slowly coming to terms that he is not leaving his marriage. He is even less than honest about it, but that is another story in itself. I know somewhere deep down in my heart his truly cares about me, but a part of me resents him for lying all these years. I want to be his best friend and am willing to listen to anything he has to say to me, but he is just not there. He is leading this double life and I had to find out that he was M.
I have several of my own of categorizing why he stayed with me all this time. We were together two years and then I found out he was M. I broke things off and left. A little over a year later, we re-connected but strictly as friends, and so I thought. Weeks/months went by and things progressed. We are now in a relationship again. I thought he might have been separated in our time away, but that is not the case. I hurt, but think it may be time to end things.
Why do they do it? And if they are in it for the thrill of cheating why do they still with one person? Why not just find others to "hang out" with and keep moving? Why involved feelings and emotions.
Thank you for posting your story.
Hugs!
Don't think I've "seen" you since the baby was first born (when I do get time for boards mostly at AAS) and I'm happy you and your son are ok.
Sweetness:
Yeah I was busy! J Having a one-year-old, oh boy!
Well Zoo, how long you wait is entirely up to you.