Where do I go from here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Where do I go from here?
3
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 10:17am

Thirteen years ago I started dating a woman. Yes, I'm a woman too. I had never dated a woman before, and I wasn't prepared for that type of relationship. We lived together for three years, and although I thought she was my soulmate, I ended it with her. I eventually met a man and dated him for a few years and then we married. We have two beautiful daughters. My ex was devastated. Eventually, she met a woman and fell in love. They've been together for 8 years. My ex and I tried to remain friends because we got along so well, but about 4 years ago she moved to her new girlfriend's hometown, they bought a house together and she stopped calling. I thought this was a blessing because I had realized that I was deeply in love with her and couldn't stand to hear about how happy she was. Then, six months ago she called. When I finally called her back she was very happy to hear from me. She said she'd fallen out of love with her girlfriend, that they were incompatible, and that she never got over me. We started talking again and over the next couple of months she started asking me to leave my husband and to come and live with her. I told her that I couldn't. Well, yesterday her girlfriend, thinking that she'd been distant, went through her cell phone and found some text messages. She broke up with her. However, today, they just left for a Vegas weekend they'd planned months ago and paid for.

I'm sitting here thinking about this mess. Part of me knows she's my soulmate and wants to be with her. Another part of me could never leave my husband, and doesn't want to. I would never want to battle for custody of my kids. I shudder to even think of not seeing them every minute of every day. And I hate the thought of him not being in their life every day too. But I have thought about this woman every day and never gotten over her either. She's my soulmate.

What should I do? Should I forget her? She thinks this is our one opportunity to be happy. Help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 11:24am

I don't know if I can tell you what to do I sympathize with your problem though. I am crazy about Ap and not inlove with my husband anymore but I don't want to D because I don't want to go a day without my kids. In a perfect world we could all get out of our situations without hurting people. I don't know now if I looking back on it I would have started this A and fallen for AP because it is starting to take it's toll of me mentally. I am so trying to not let it but it is..so many different emotions..living a double life..but now I don't know if I could walk away even though it is probably the right thing to do..Yes it is nice that I am getting all of this attention and love from AP that I have always wanted but at what price and at who's expense? So I guess this isn't really good advice except that know that if you get involved emotionally with someone else it will eventually take a toll on your heart and mind. But hey it's not stopping me so you have to decide! Hope I helped at all


Boodle

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 3:43pm

Look...for the sake of your

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 11:33pm

I'm not sure that anyone can really tell you what to do.