Where do the men go for advice on As
Find a Conversation
Where do the men go for advice on As
| Tue, 01-06-2009 - 1:34pm |
I've been wondering if there are other boards out there where the men in these affairs go to.
| Tue, 01-06-2009 - 1:34pm |
Pages
Hi!
1) buddies
2) askmen.com
3) imagination
Hey guys (Bar is loaded and new england man),
Of course I will welcome anyone's opinions but since you two offered to give a male POV, I would like to take you up on it.
I am no longer in my A but I have a bazillion questions.
One former guy here, too...will tell you that trying to maintain a friendship, with an AP who is no longer, is, almost certainly, not a good thing.(There are some here who have managed that, but only a few)
I have had contact with my former AP a couple of times, once in person, since we ended our A nearly two years ago. Given what we had experienced, knowing what we know about our passions and our personalities, our meeting became close to almost starting all over again. Affairs are, by definition, toxic, and allowing that toxicity to smolder and fester makes it very hard to move on. Affairs are limiting. When they are over, they need to be over, particularly if you find yourself in another meaningful relationship. How could you possible broach the subject, with anyone you might date, that you are still in contact with a guy you fooled around with? And even if you don't figure on telling that guy, how are you going to deal with you own feelings, if your AP is still "hanging around?"
Ending the affair is a freeing experience. Letting go of a temporary R may be hard, but it's absolutely necessary.
My AP and I have both decided, tacitly, that we will not make contact again. We never said it outright; we just know. We do ache to be friends, but she's moved on; I've moved on. Don't get caught in this trap, as, yes, your AP is probably asking for "friendship" in hopes that some day he might have a chance to get back together with you (free sex). Guys will always hedge their bets, and go back to the sure thing, the easy money.
If you are easy and still holding the torch, then sure, give in, be friends..if you have moved on, do not touch. Like a subprime mortgage....
Lazy:)
Pages