Where to go from here.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2008
Where to go from here.....
1
Thu, 07-23-2009 - 5:08pm

I met my AP almost 4 yrs ago and we had a baby girl in May of this year. His wife had known about me since June 06 but when she found out I was pregnant she asked for a divorce. Their divorce was final about a month after our daughter was born.


He really confuses me because one day he will say things like he hopes I don't expect us to be together forever and he "vents" about the financial situation this has put him in. I got tired of being patient and waiting for him to get things (paternity and child support ppw) done and told him exactly what I thought about 3 weeks ago. I have always told him if he wanted to walk completely away I wouldn't expect anything from him but he stays. I have offered to let him give up his rights so he would never be financially responsible for our daughter but he refuses. He tells me I have to give him time to "take" to our daughter.....he claims he was the same way with his other daughter. At times he is very supportive and attentive but at other times he seems to be distant and spacey. I want our daughter to know her dad because he really is a great person but I don't know what I should do......do I continue to be patient or do I just stop all contact with him. I see "baby steps" from him in regards to us and his daughter but somedays it seems like he is pushing me away. I know he has had a lot to deal with.


I guess I just needed to vent. I love him very much.....he has always had a hard time telling me those 3 words but he shows me and when he does say those 3 words I know he means them. I feel like I have given him plenty of opportunities to walk away and completely end things......which at times is what I think he wants. I don't understand why he stays or why one day he goes on and on about not being sure he wants to be with me and the next acts like the conversation never happened.


He is extremely busy working 3 jobs and trying to work in time to spend with his 7 yr old daughter. He has not told his daughter about the new baby yet and the ex-wife is not helping that situation. She has "rules" that she wants followed in regards to who his 7yr old is allowed to see. Its so hard to be patient. Any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2009
Thu, 07-23-2009 - 5:44pm

I fully believe that if you want change, it has to start with you. Why give him all the power to dictate what happens in your and your daughters lives. What if he'll just continue with his procrastinating way, is that gonna be enough for you and your child in the long run?

If it were me, I would move on with my life. He can either catch that train with me or he can go on his own way. I would surely go after him for child support but I won't put my life on hold to wait for him to make up his mind anymore.

Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com