whoa, how did this happen?
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whoa, how did this happen?
| Sat, 05-30-2009 - 1:55am |
wow, i have no idea how i got to this stage so quickly. Don't even know where to start telling what happened! I'm at a turning point between text/phone and physical... and I'm nervous...for several reasons! I've never technically met him. He said hello first, as a pal, and i responded innocently. I recently lost my job and appreciated the friendly gesture to see how I was doing. We started chatting online a few times a week. It got heated VERY quickly and I think we probably both think the other one started it... which only seems to mean we both wanted it. I've known him only 3 months max, and only over the web. The closest we've come was to arrange to both go see a band play at the same time so we could see each other f2f, but nothing happened, barely even said hello to each other since there were so many people who knew him, or the 2 of them. We texted the whole evening and never spoke.
AP's married to a good work friend that I think the world of, and whom I have known 2 years. They've been together since they were in high school, and apparently she is unaware completely. He says she is, at least. I think he's done this a lot, but no telling really...the last thing I want to do is hurt her and it would kill me if she got hurt, so why am I numb to that in the selfish moments? Eventually he'll make a mistake but it can't be with me. I'm ruining a future friendship with her as well, and it doesn't seem to help me stop.
AP's 16 years younger than me, but otherwise totally my type and nothing like my current BF/SO of 5 years... who i also have no desire to hurt or let find out... but SO&I are in a stalled phase. 5 year itch, job loss, stress, who knows?
We are crazy to keep A going...it was easy the first 2 weeks when we had time alone to fantasize while web/texting and joke around about meeting in person. I planned to drop it as soon as i was home (not available to text from home) after the first week, and just be done, happy with a little playful attention and leave it at that, and rationalisze that it wasn't really an affair if I never met the man in person. It hasn't ended. He contacts me (I cant usually reach him on my schedule, and I've stopped trying to initiate) and I don't say no when he makes suggestions. Lately he's pressuring me to meet. I can imagine it would be fabulous, but am i crazy to escalate it? and #2, what if he freaks out at my 16-years-older self!? LOL. So many questions.
Edited 5/30/2009 2:24 am ET by ibug03
AP's married to a good work friend that I think the world of, and whom I have known 2 years. They've been together since they were in high school, and apparently she is unaware completely. He says she is, at least. I think he's done this a lot, but no telling really...the last thing I want to do is hurt her and it would kill me if she got hurt, so why am I numb to that in the selfish moments? Eventually he'll make a mistake but it can't be with me. I'm ruining a future friendship with her as well, and it doesn't seem to help me stop.
AP's 16 years younger than me, but otherwise totally my type and nothing like my current BF/SO of 5 years... who i also have no desire to hurt or let find out... but SO&I are in a stalled phase. 5 year itch, job loss, stress, who knows?
We are crazy to keep A going...it was easy the first 2 weeks when we had time alone to fantasize while web/texting and joke around about meeting in person. I planned to drop it as soon as i was home (not available to text from home) after the first week, and just be done, happy with a little playful attention and leave it at that, and rationalisze that it wasn't really an affair if I never met the man in person. It hasn't ended. He contacts me (I cant usually reach him on my schedule, and I've stopped trying to initiate) and I don't say no when he makes suggestions. Lately he's pressuring me to meet. I can imagine it would be fabulous, but am i crazy to escalate it? and #2, what if he freaks out at my 16-years-older self!? LOL. So many questions.
Edited 5/30/2009 2:24 am ET by ibug03
