Whose rules do you go by? :[

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2003
Whose rules do you go by? :[
4
Tue, 10-21-2003 - 4:48pm
I would get to ticked off, when it seemed like we had to play by MM's rules all of the time. I mean, i was married, too! We got together when HE decided, when HE needed ME....(what about when I needed him? oh, no....) e-mailed at HIS convenience.....It was okay for him to say bad things about my H, but I couldn't dare say anything bad about his W!

Even after we broke up, he still had rules! First, we would be friends while still at work. So, I went along with that (even though seeing him still brought pain to my heart). Then, he decided he only wanted to be "professional". Okay, I thought. Next thing I know, he is walking me to the building and giving me candy. I was confused, but oh well. THEN, all of a sudden, he decides he can't even park his car in the same parking lot, so let's be immature and park SOMEWHERE else!!! oh, boy...grow up will you?

Sorry, just venting...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
Tue, 10-21-2003 - 5:13pm
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Edited 9/20/2004 2:14 pm ET ET by seansluv
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2003
Tue, 10-21-2003 - 5:26pm
Yes, MM ended it. His W found out and fell apart. We were sticking to our original plan, that is, that we were going to end up "together" after everything was over with. But, after about 4 or 5 weeks of discussing D with his W and seeing her go to peices, MM finally told me he couldn't go through with it. I was broken myself; I was terribly in love with him. Even when he broke it off, he told me he would always love me.

Anyway, I think part of the problem with the "present rule" system at work has a lot to do with his W. She knows who I am and doesn't like the idea of us still working together. Thank goodness we don't work in the same department. He would continue to e-mail and talk to me at work after the break up, but I guess she would always give him 20 questions after he got home from work. I guess I don't blame her....I just didn't like all of the jerking around he was doing to me when he couldn't make up his mind about the "rules" we had to go by at work.

In the end, after the hot and cold he was giving me, I finally told him off and we don't speak at all now. We avoid each other like the plague. I keep wondering if his W will push him to try to get me fired or something......

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 7:30am
Sounds like his W is making his life a living hell, and he is probably trying to lie low, that is probably why he is not parking in the same parking lot. If his W is really insecure, which she probably is at this point, she may be keeping tabs on him, even where he parks. He, of course, is going to do everything he can to appease her, even if it means hurting you, (which really sucks). If I were you, I would back off also, concentrate on yourself instead of him, take time for you to heal.

Big hugs,

ittybrat

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 9:17am
Rules... Oh, we have those, definitely! They seem to change from time to time, though. I can never call him on his cell phone, ever. He's paranoid his wife will see the number and wonder who called. I could call him from someone else's phone, but I just don't do it. We don't speak outside of work, ever. When this first started sometimes he'd sneak and call me from home and once he called me from a phone at the oil change place but he doesn't do that anymore. I think it's just that he's not all that in need of talking to me like he was at first, but he'd say he's just scared of getting caught. Sometimes I'll call him from my cell phone if I leave early and he's still at work. We have our routines... He used to call me first thing in the morning but people around him starting gossiping that he was having an affair because he was whispering into the phone too much. He never told me he wasn't going to call anymore; he just started avoiding his desk when he got here in the morning and eventually I got the hint and stopped calling. We stop by each other's desks at very specific times, once I go see him, once he comes to see me. We hardly ever e-mail. Sometimes I'll send him a joke and he'll respond with a "that was funny" and we'll have a very brief "how are you" kind of conversation, but basically he spends all day e-mailing everyone BUT me. He's paranoid someone can read our e-mails. He wouldn't be wrong on that count, probably, but it's still annoying that I can't seem to get him to keep up even a friendly e-mail. We have very set times for our routines but many times things will come up, usually on his end, and we can't see each other and that is VERY frustrating. I get that panicky feeling someone mentioned when the phone doesn't ring and it's time to go home and I know I won't be able to see him until the next day. I HATE that feeling and wish I could make it go away.