Why?

Avatar for hampton2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Why?
34
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 12:32am
I'm not here to debate as I understand this is a support board, but maybe you can help me understand why you have affairs.

I came to this board after on another board, a poster was complaining about the distancing of their boyfriend (om? what is om?) anyway, she said she was getting support at the "my affair" board, and I was surprised there was such a thing. Thought she could be joking...so then I found myself here and must say am dismayed.

I was thinking well maybe it was support only for people who are trying to get on the right track with their marriage or divorce whatever. but it also seems to be just helping with people who are in affairs.


So instead of telling you what you've already heard about why some think it's wrong - (including myself obviously)

Why don't you tell me what I havent' heard about why you actually have an affair? Why not leave your partner and be single?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
In reply to: hampton2002
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 11:20pm
...."But is it that people are really powerless/stuck or is that just their own perception?" Boy Hampton, that is the $64,000 question. I very much relate to what you are saying. I am one of those who feels stuck. And I ask myself why I can't break free from my dysfunctional marriage. When I search my heart, I can tell you for the most part it's the feeling of not wanting to let my family down, namely my kids. Maybe a part of it is fear too, fear of the unknown, fear of ridicule from others for bailing out. My H recently blew up at me, saying he wants to split up. I told him that was fine by me but in reality, I'm rather freaked out right now. I'm currently in between jobs and besides having two kids in college,I have a very ill sister living with me. I've decided to see a therapist, who can maybe help me sort out some of the emotional crap that's bottled up inside. "If I ever come up with an answer, I'll let you know." Take care, Virgogirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
In reply to: hampton2002
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 10:37am
Wow, ivirgogirl.

You described my situation. If you figure it out, let all of us know !!!


Please let all of us know !! LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: hampton2002
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 4:23pm

Hi hampton...


I have not read all the replies... but just touched on rainings and a bit of your reply to him... before I went further... I thought I may try and explain my reasons.


My DH is a little like rainings wife... he loves me dearly... but my happiness to him is a slightly lower priority... of course he will never admit that... but after many a counselling session and countless times he refused to do what our counsellor suggested... give me the smaller pleasures in life.


He seems to think that a kiss and cuddle and good sex will sort all out... but while it's good... I enjoy the smaller things... little things that don't mean much... once upon a time... I would ensure that his alarm was set... his watch and wallet were placed by his beside where he could find them... why? because I enjoyed doing all the little things for him... I loved him.


Time makes us complacent... and once when you think you will grow closer and change to the others ideals... you being to grow apart and be the person that you once were.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
In reply to: hampton2002
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 7:15pm
I can perfectly understand where you come from Sweet. Only you know for sure about yourself, don't let other judge you, as they are not in your shoes, never will be. That was a weird sentence but oh well, it conveyed what I needed to say. :)

Pages