Why?
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Why?
| Wed, 10-01-2003 - 12:41pm |
I just wanted to make some sort of statement. After reading and being a part of this board for a day and a half, I have realized that we give up more than the MM or OM does. It is us who leave our H and sometimes even kids. Why is it so hard for men to leave and so easy for us to do so. Is it that we are stronger and they are weaker or the other way around. I am new to all of this I am currently in my first A we are both married. It has already crossed my mind that I no longer want to be with H, although we get along great, no longer in love. OM says same with him, but like all other men in that "situation" give no signs of leaving. We have never talked about it and probably won't unless he brings it up, reason being he has a kid I have none. Still I think as the saying goes they want to have their cake and eat it too even though they say what they have at home is no good, then why do they stay and we leave?
SAL

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i left my marriage and was forced to leave my children in the marital home with H. i was only 5 minutes away, and living with a girlfriend, with no room for the children. i went back and forth to be with them when H was gone. the separation from my children only lasted a month. H finally moved out when he had enough of sole caretaking, but it was the longest 4 weeks of my life.
i've found that most men stay because they are in their comfort zone with the house, family, wife, job, and OW on the side. what's not to love in that situation.
just my opinion,
gurl
I'd say it's much more likely that *no one* leaves, because there is so much to lose. I for one have no intention of ever leaving my marriage, and neither does my OM. I would never give up my children *or* my husband for him, even though I love him as much as I love them - but he came after all of them. I am sure he would say/do the same.
As for the having his cake and eating it too - I think that's what most people want out of life, not just men in affairs. People in affairs get to do it sometimes, but sometimes they lose it all.
but i do disagree, very respectfully, that a person cannot love two people at the same time. i do right now -- BF and MM. i didn't love MM at first or even after the first 18 months or so of the R, but we have gotten much closer in the last year or so and i've worked hard on my R with BF too to get to the very comfortable life he and i have together, physically and emotionally. i'm not dying to get out of my R with BF. because i'm not married, i can end that R at any time but i choose to stay and work it out because i do love him. MM and i did not think we would connect emotionally, just physically because at the time the A started, neither of us was fulfilled sexually by our Rs. my situation at home has changed, for the better. i cannot comment on whether MM's has gotten better or worse. i don't ask and he doesn't tell.
just going by my experience, i can love two men at once. the degrees vary, depending on many factors.
see ya,
gurl
After 2 years with OM, I feel even more passionately about my DH. Far from unbearable, he is even more wonderful, and we have been together for over 20 years! And no, there were no problems to begin with. You have no idea what anyone else's marriage is like, any more than I do. All I can say is, I DO *love* and am *in love with* two men, and am as fiercely passionate about each as I am in my love for all of my children. I could be happily married to either man.
Until you have *been* someone else - which none of us can be - you cannot make such generalizations about other people's feelings and relationships. You may not understand them, but you cannot say that they are wrong simply because you don't feel the same way.
Why is there this persistent belief that if you're happy with one person, you must be complete? The assumption is that one person can wholly "complete" another. Cripes, that's a burden to lay on someone's shoulders! If my H "completed" me 100%, I would have no need for my family, my girlfriends, my kids or anyone else in my life. I would have no room or time for ME. That's no fun...
lily
Edited 10/1/2003 10:41:54 PM ET by charlotte1203
Edited 6/1/2004 10:51 pm ET ET by charlotte1203
gurlfriend, shouldi, lily and charlotte... I'm with you on this one too.
Sweet
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