Why am I obsessed with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2009
Why am I obsessed with him?
2
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 4:38pm
My feelings for AP have been up and down. I love him, I hate him, I love him again, I realize my love isn't real, I wonder if maybe it is real, and on and on. Now I'm just hurt by him. He uses me and I know it. I have feelings for him that are inexplicable. He's a sociopath to the T. He matches every symptom.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2009
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 7:54pm

Whoa!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2010
Sun, 02-21-2010 - 12:37pm

For one thing you are not stupid. You recognize the issues and are looking for help, and that shows that you are smart and have a good heart!

I have recently ended a very similar relationship. My SO said terrible things about me to other people, all lies. I was hurt and felt betrayed. But the most important thing I learned is that a Sociopath doesn't care about how other people feel and is not capable of love, so reacting to the lies is not worth my energy or time. Here are some books that I found helpful:

The Sociopath Nextdoor by Stout, I found in a package along with the other books below. This one helped me see that my SO very likely is a Sociopath. It helped me to confirm that I am not the crazy one, that I was likely targeted, which was not my fault, I was not stupid, I was only vulnerable. There is so much more to this book, I could go on and on about how much it helped me, but most importantly it helped me see that I need to protect myself and my child above everything else, and I realized the only way I can do this is to completely disconnect from my SO.

Tears and Healing by Richard Skerritt, was helpful although focused more on Borderline Personality and Divorce, I find that his experience and ideas transfer to my situation too.

In Love and Loving It - Or Not, also by Richard Skerritt is helpful for me because it helps me see the patterns that got me into the relationship in the first place, provides ideas for how to approach relationships going forward, so it doesn't happen to me again.

You can search those books online and some are available to download immediately.

Everyday I focus on myself and something more important in my life than the SO who was draining my life and finances. It's difficult and I don't always succeed, but I know I'm worth it and so is my child and all of the GOOD people in my life. I hope you find the help you need for you. Find a good counselor, talk to Good Friends, read books, write, look at message boards, do whatever you need to do for you! You are worth it!!!