why can't he just say "I Can't"

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
why can't he just say "I Can't"
6
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 4:04pm

AP asked me on Monday if we could meet for lunch today (it would be a real lunch with food at a small cafe down the street from where I work) and I agreed. I called him around 11 today to confirm lunch, he sent me right to VM. I never leave voice messages so I emailed him, half an hour later he emails me back to say he is stuck in a budget meeting and he can't make it. Ummm didn't you know about this meeting yesterday? I'm pi$$ed that he wasn’t thoughtful enough to call to let me know he couldn't make it and add to the fact that he called me "kid" in the email, I'm boiling. Why in the world can he not say "hey, something came up, I know you are disappointed, but I can't make lunch tomorrow". Is that so hard? I mean really? Why does it take me emailing me to ask if he is going to meet me in 20 minutes for lunch for him to say, "oh I can't I'm stuck at work" ? I'm not upset cause he couldn't make it, I'm upset that he didn't think that he should let me know that he couldn't make it before hand. There is no way in the world that he is so busy, that he couldn't send me an email saying he was busy and he couldn't make it.

I didn't reply right away, I went and had lunch with friends from the office and came back to my desk. 2 hours after I received his email, I sent him back one...

"It's your turn to do the work, ball is in your court. When you have some FREE time give me a call".

I’m sure he is sitting there thinking I will email him on Monday like I always do for our weekly check-in but I’m not going to. I’m done doing all the work, changing my schedule, working around his. He can email me, ask me how my week-end was, he can call me asking me if I have any free time for him, he can do the chasing for a while, like he use too.

If he doesn’t well then that’s that. I’ll take my lumps like a big girl and move on, with my head held high!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 4:14pm

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 4:24pm

Hi Never -


I think that what you are asking for is certainly not too much.

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2008
Fri, 11-21-2008 - 2:06am
Dear Never...
Carrrrrried...away2
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Fri, 11-21-2008 - 7:29am

I don't think I'm familiar with your entire story - but I think it's GREAT that you are staying in control

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2008
Fri, 11-21-2008 - 7:45am

I've been in this kind of situation and I know how bad it feels. AP and I were planning to see each other for a few hours and I had planned everything. I was suppose to leave in 20 min and I still hadn't heard from him. I sent him a text and THEN he replies saying something came up, he can't meet me, he will contact me during the day. I was sooo mad. He didn't even contact me until 2 days later. I did let him not that he can't do that, he should at least let me know in time. I told him it made me feel unimportant to him.


He understands now, we had a long talk about what I want from him and want he wants from me. Things are good after we had that conversation. Before that I was losing my mind thing about why he did something, what does it mean... Things are a lot clearer now but we're still learning along the way.


Communication is very important and you have to talk to him about these things or it will drive you crazy.