why did I do this to myself again!
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| Fri, 03-12-2010 - 5:21am |
Well ladies I've really done it this time and Ive only got myself to blame. Myself and XAP who i work closely with have been split for over a year after a year long intense A. I left my H and home for him then we split due to some rows. He then got with another co worker straight after we split who he is living with now and I am back with H. For the past year things have been civil but pretty hostile between us mostly due to him ignoring me, being cold, and just being down right rude and insenstive to my feelings. We never really spoke for about year even though we worked side by side every single day. He has told his GF everything that happened between us so of course she blabbed to a few people in the office And is part of the reason why he ignored me for the past year as she wouldn't allow him to talk to me...which is understandable for her.
Over the past year i have been so heartbroken having to watch their R get more and more serious under my nose and having to hear all the gorey details of how he is wining and dining her, taking her on holidays, moving her into his apartment etc etc.
So fast forward to now, his GF no longer works with us for the past few months and he is back to being all friendly with me, Chatting to me every day, asking about my life, being sweet to me etc etc. Things started getting heavy between us in that he started outragously flirting with me saying he missed me, couldn't stop thinking about me, was still so attracted to me etc etc. So me STUPIDLY!! admitted the same WTH!! Why did i have to do that. I never wanted him to know how i really felt or how much he hurt me. This all happened mainly over msn. So anyway the next day when we came back into work i said it was wrong talking like this as we were both in Rs and he agreed.
Now he is gone back to being cold with me and being over the top cutsy with this gf on the phone on front of me...and I can feel myself getting jealous...aggggrrrr I just want to be able switch off from this guy and be totally indifferent to his carry on. Why on earth am I still attracted to someone who plays hot and cold with me all the time, plays with my head, has a gf who he claims to be madly in love with and Im M !
The strange thing with him too is that it is like he is trying so hard to play keep up with me all the time. Every time he hears about me doing something like booking a holiday or going somewhere he does the same thing with her and makes sure he tells me he paid for her. He even books the same holidays!! Its getting weird at this stage. He talks to me all the time about this hobbie of mine that i love, he supposingly loves it too. But sometimes it just feels like he is pretending to be into that too to try and impress me. This year he got his new gf to take it up too and made sure to tell me how good she was at it....as if
