Why did I let him talk me into this?
Find a Conversation
|Sat, 01-25-2014 - 1:21pm|
New to this so I don't know all the abbreviations I see so bear with me here.
I am 43 year old woman married for 16 years. No previous affairs. I actually thought I was immune! No children except for his two grown children from previous marriage. Husband is 10 years older than me. Things were great at first but have gone downhill. We have had some financial problems we are trying to work out of. We have different sleep patterns so he has started sleeping in the basement. He actually lives down there pretty much. He comes up for food and showers but that is all. We have not been out together alone without friends joining in about a year. Vacation with friends as well.
Sex is very rare once every few months or so. He must take pills so nothing is spontaneous. When he gets in the mood he just wants me to take care of him. He doesn't need a pill for that somehow. It is easier for me just to do that for him and avoid an argument. Needless to say I am frustrated.
Enter affair partner. I have worked with him for several years and we are always friendly. I have always been attracted to him. We aren't in the same department, but he has to come to mine twice a week for paperwork. He is 38 and married with no kids. We had a business trip together in August. I got the vibe that he was interested in something while we were away so I just distanced myself as much as I could. He had stated that his marriage, which is only 3 years in, was pretty much a roommate situation only and that he wasn't happy.
In October he was in my dept and someone a coworker made a off color joke. We all laughed. A little later he emailed me that he had something to add to the joke but was scared to say it. He said text me tonight and I will tell you. I did and that started the entire EA. Email every day at work. Text or FB at night if we could. Him coming to my office for no reason. He kept begging me to meet him outside of work. He starts calling me babe, Hun etc. I resisted for about one month but ended up meeting him one Saturday and the PA began. It was wonderful!
After 3 meetings in that one week, one actually occurring at work in a hidden area, he stopped all communication. We had received notice that all company emails were subject to monitoring and so he used that as an excuse. He doesn't want to contact me at home in case my husband sees my phone. He says that I can contact him anytime. I have contacted him many times. Sometimes he is friendly sometimes kind of cold. We have had 2 more sexual interactions at work. He still comes by my office twice a week. He is always friendly and flirty.
Two weeks ago we arranged for another meeting after work. He never contacted me to confirm or cancel. I knew he was blowing me off so I didn't go because I knew he wouldn't show up. He came to my office the next day and acted like nothing had happened. That was 2 weeks ago. I have not contacted him at all and he hasn't me. Our last sexual encounter was 4 weeks ago. He still comes by my office and is friendly and flirty.
Did he just lose interest after he got what he wanted? Why is he still flirty? Why doesn't he just let me be? I know he has had a couple of other affairs with women at work. Did he start up another affair? I really don't think it involves his marriage, because that would be an easy way out for him to just say he wanted to work on that. Did I come on too strong by continuing to chase after him? I have completely fallen in love with him. I don't want to leave my husband and don't want him to leave his wife. I just want the excitement to continue.
I have become obsessed! Think of him all day every day. Facebook stalk him, hoping he will message me. Have so much anxiety on the days I know he will be in my department. I have started counseling. Will he eventually work his way back to me?
Sorry so long but I really need advice!!!