Why do APs do this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2008
Why do APs do this?
32
Wed, 10-08-2008 - 1:13pm
My AP will call and then wait sometimes a week before he calls again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2008
Wed, 10-08-2008 - 7:43pm

All that I can think of

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Wed, 10-08-2008 - 9:56pm

a bunch of support for you...is what i offer? i get off the hook if i don't hear from my AP for more than 5 hours unless i'm sleeping or unless i call myself breaking up with him, in which he ignores me anyway and texts or calls the next day, and all the while always talking to my son on the phone or by text (their relationship is seperate from ours, he's like a mentor to him with everything..they have a little brother/big brother relationship)...and he respects me as much as i admire and adore him, thus allowing him to compartmentalize....he keeps me completely seperate from his home life...i am grateful and thank him very much for that because i know hearing about it may help but it also could hurt as much...i wonder sometimes, but then it quickly goes away because i remind myself that i don't want to know about his wife really...i just want to know about him...his personality and his person is what attracted me and made me fall in love and grow to love him..not his home life...you have to trust him if you guys love one another, and trusting him means you know he'll eventually reach out to you to let you know what's going on and trust that he's honest with you about things....my AP told me tonight that if he told me "to hitch a mosquito to a plow so the mosquito could pull it" i better do it and best bet that mosquito is strong enough to pull that plow....i explained to him to never question my trust in him because i trust him with the person i most regard in life, and that's my son...(i cant have more children, so that's it for me just the one) and i've raised him alone..and he's a good kid..a diplomatic kid and a humble kid...AP and i are kind of metaphoric too..we have this wierd soulmate relationship type of thingy going on...anywho...i respect my AP's experience, age and wisdom and trust that what he is doing is going to be for the benefit of his family, me and my son altogether so that he and i can love one another..and when it comes down to it..that's all i want to be able to do is love him...i wasnt able to love for a very long time..well hell...a man ever...romantically because i was so dogged, i didn't have it in me..from early on, i figured well hell..there's no love...it just so happened that i did FALL and that was in love with a MM..who is my AP..and i trust and know he loves me back...


let me tell you about our vacation...he wasn't seeing me for extended periods of time, and by extended with us..i mean like 3 days at a time...(hey i did post before that i'm wayy spoiled by him) anywho..i was getting upset and off the hook, like i do, ruling with my hurt feelings and emotions...we talked on the phone, i'd say crap that was just wayy off color and over the top, and he'd say, i can see you now for 5-8 hours but i won't be able to tomorrow or in two days or after work for the next three days...we see one another a whole lot...well, what do you know...he comes over one day for a little and says " take the next 3 days off from work" my attitude is like hell to the nah, you pissed me off, we aren't speaking, i broke up with you (and we know that never works because he ignores me when i do that);....so i'm like okay he got something up his sleeve...i take off a half of day only the next day (this is so my brain and emotions don't think i'm going all out for him) well, he comes to pick me up and i have to pack...we roll out on vacation..(i had to call in more time off work)..it was beautiful...and i had a ball and loved him more for it..(we have all those overnights together in a row, we always only have one at a time) .i trust him and trust that what he's doing is for the greater good of us and whatever else is involved in his life...


not saying this is what's up with you, but, i'm saying, trust it..he may have something going on right now that's hard to talk about or hard for you to understand.

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2008
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 8:25am
So what caused the change in him to begin calling daily?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2008
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 9:38am

Why APs do this ?

Edwina
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 12:25pm
You have to ask him. Anything else is only guessing.And you need to tell him what you want him to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 3:37pm

I'm sorry, but I couldn't handle that, if they can't take 1 min. out of their day to say hi then I wouldn't bother, that's just selfish in my opionion.


Woman Rain Pictures, Images and Photos
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2008
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 4:14pm
We´re all different. I have no problem handling a week with NC - as long as I know there is a good reason behind it. And it´s sometimes a necessity, not at all selfish. Like I said COMMUNICATION is the key.


Edwina
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 4:26pm

Your right, not everyone is the same, I was just speaking for myself, and by saying that, like I said, I find it hard to believe that there is not just one minute of a week where

Woman Rain Pictures, Images and Photos
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2008
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 11:08pm

There is no way I would not hear from AP for a week...how long does it take to send a text, 10 sec?
But I would never speak up...men hate when women who are whiny and needy...don't call him, let him miss you, and when he finally calls you...don't answer you phone. Let him roast for a while and make him worried about what you're up to, and then call him back and make sure you sound happy, like you did not miss him at all and could care less whether he called or not.
Just trust me. Works like a charm. Men want something they cannot have.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2008
Fri, 10-10-2008 - 4:59am

Let me repeat my post, as you misread what I'm actually saying.

Edwina