Why do I do this to myself......

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2003
Why do I do this to myself......
5
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 10:50am
I question EVERY move that MM makes. He has NEVER let me down before but I continue to pick apart every move. He calls every day. He sees me whenever he can. He likes just to sit and talk if we can't "be together". He's perfect. Why do I torture myself. I want to talk to him 3 times a day! I want to see him everyday. I am very high maintenance emotionally. I don't want to tell him I get upset when he doesn't call me every night on his way to work. But I do. What do you guys do when he doesn't call? I make sure to NEVER call him because I don't want to think I am bugging him. I mean the rules say NEVER call him and seldom return his calls. I'm going CRAZY. He usually calls every morning when he knows I'm on my way to work. Like clock work. NO call today. But we are going out of town this weekend together!!!!! I can't wait!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 10:59am
I totally understand where you are coming from...I feel the same way sometimes! I always get upset when he doesnt call when he says he is going to but I never say anything to him...this morning I was just thinking to myself that all I expect is a phone call...when he doesnt call, I get worried...if you say you are going to call...call! How hard is that?! So, how do I deal with it...I get pissed off, write in my journal and then the feeling usually passes when I talk to him again. Do I have a right to be mad? I really dont know. When it comes to EMA's...there are no rules so what right do we have, if any???
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 12:15pm
hey secret, so call him if you're worried. and which set of rules are you referring to that say "don't call him"....? that rule only applies to those guys who have initiated NC and need space, not the ones who miss a call now and then. if you're high maintenance emotionally, your MM knows that by now, doesn't he? so call him and ask him how his days going, that you were thinking about him and just wanted to say "hi".

and you lucky girl, getting to spend the weekend with MM away! early christmas presents are the best!!

go ahead, make that call.

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 12:24pm
Gurl, Thanks. I know that's what I should do. I'm an emotional cripple. I always think If I let him know how I really feel that I open myself up for heartache. He always tells me "You know how I feel about yuo"! No, I don't. I never want him to think I am weak. But I am. I'm needy and expect him to read my mind. One time when I was having a really bad day we met at our usual place and he had rented a suite with a hot tub. He had the hot tub filled with bubbles and a beer (I'm a beer girl) on ice. It was so sweet I started to cry. Thanks again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 12:31pm
awwww, honey, you ARE a big softie underneath it all!

what's up with the not being weak comment? do you not trust your MM with your deepest feelings?? tell him girl! just like you can't read his mind, he can't read yours.

some honest communication between the two of you seems in order. think about it 'cause that's the only way you're going to feel better and less out of control and lots less needy, emotionally.

just do it!!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 12:58pm


Secret,

I know exactly where you're coming from... I also feel like that alot of the time. If he doesn't call, I overthink it until it drives me mad. But that's the key- "overthinking". Sometimes I talk to him about it, other times I just tell myself to calm down and realize that just because he doesn't call doesn't mean he loves me any less. In fact, I'm getting much better at the whole thing... to the point when if he doesn't call me after work (we usually talk every day after work) I don't flip out and call him, all upset. In fact, he didn't call me earlier this week, and come to find out, he was messing around with his cell and accidentally deleted my contact info! and here I was thinking "why hasn't he called?" lol...

You're not alone, babe!! Thank goodness for this place and my journal, that's all I can say!