why do they check out?
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| Sat, 06-26-2010 - 3:31am |
I'm in a bit of a different boat. Its a very long story, but bottom line, my current BF mostly stays at my house, we have a sordid history together and a young child together as well.
While we were broke up last year, I started seeing someone. Then that guy and I broke up and BF and I are now back together. I contacted AP who is single a few months ago, and we had a FWB thing for about 3 months, until he stood me up, then due to his feelings or inability to be responsible for it, checked out for a month. Was hateful last time we talked, and wouldn't respond to any of my texts for a month. I finally gave up.
Then out of the blue he texts me. Then gives me about 3 hours notice he wants to hook up. Which I probably would have, if the BF wasn't staying the night already.
AP doesn't know BF and I are back together.
I'm a big codie. Don't want to be alone. Ever. So even though the BF isn't really what I want, I am somewhat content with him. AP is what I want, but he doesn't seem quite ready, nor do I know if he ever will be to get back into a relationship.
I am ok with the FWB thing, but just don't understand how he can check out for a month, and then all of a sudden everything is great again. WTH?
AP is single, and not dating at all. Seems dating and relationships not really anything he is in to at the moment, as he had a bad divorce, and still smarting over his Ex cheating on him the whole time they were married.
Any ideas?

i think, yours is a case of sawing what you reap.. you make it clear to him that you are available to him under any conditions, and that's how he sees you.. he probably had someone else in the meantime, and in his "down" times, ie when he's not seeing anyone else, he calls you as his trusted backup booty, and you are OK w/ this because you can't be alone..
the challenge is not with him, he just calls/acts as he sees fit, knowing how you are.. it is you who need to determine what path is best for you to take in your life.. what kind of a R you want and deserve and will work to make happen..
best of luck..
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IMO your AP seems to have a lot of baggage that he's carrying around; and maybe rightly so.
I won't rehash...what nevereasy posted is exactly what I was going to say.
I don't mean for this to sound harsh at all...more like maybe a wake-up call: If you act like a booty call, you'll be treated as such and especially by an opportunistic personality. You said you're OK with FWB...if that were the case you wouldn't be upset by his actions. Just food for thought...((HUGS)) remember: you teach people how to treat you.
I totally agree with nevereasy and hiskimber. He's using you for last minute sex when his main "girls" or "girl" are/is unavailable. If you just want hot sex, and to be "on call" for when he needs it, then go for it! You ask:
"don't understand how he can check out for a month, and then all of a sudden everything is great again. WTH?"
BECAUSE he wants sex with you - it'll be "great again" until he gets that and then it'll be "off" until the next time!
If that's not what you want, don't fall for it again. I hope this isn't too direct but I just want you to know what you're getting into if you fall for the "charming" act when he wants something from you.
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
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