Why do you stay?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Why do you stay?
10
Mon, 12-22-2008 - 7:41pm

I got to thinking about this tonight. I was running errands alone (H was home with the kids) and "All I Want For Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey came on the radio. All I want for Christmas is AP. And I thought about this board (which I have not been visiting too much recently because of being busy getting ready for Christmas) and decided that I'm sure the song applied to plenty of you and your APs too. So why do YOU stay in your A?


I mean, I know the risk involved; my M will probably be over if H ever finds out. And I listened to all of the (good) advice that was dispensed to me here prior to starting my A. Before starting a

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2007
Tue, 12-23-2008 - 12:46am

What a good topic, misbehav.


Why do i stay: boy, I asked that myself, everyday. There are many reasons but I know one thing: the day my H. comes forward with a divorce, I will jump on it and I am not sure we will work something out. He is not willing to consent to divorce, I can not handle too much of that drama of fights and crying. We got married this year, not even a year yet.....but to be honest, I would settle down to give him 2/3 of all assets even though, I have contributed much more than that....and I am getting even closer to the moment when I would just leave everything just to have my freedom...This sounds so pathetic, but it is almost like buying your happiness ....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Tue, 12-23-2008 - 10:57am
i am single but, i stay (in the a) because I love my AP...

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2008
Tue, 12-23-2008 - 11:38am

Booo... you sound like you're in the same exact situation I am in!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2008
Tue, 12-23-2008 - 11:46am

Miss_B_Havin


What a good question to ask at this time of year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2007
Tue, 12-23-2008 - 3:52pm
Hi Jennylem....I do not think I sound like i am in exact the same situation, I believe i am. I am not married even for a year, he would not consent for divorce. I do not know how it is in your situation, but my H is a nice man with some insecurities and some problems ( i guess, one of those people with constant problems). He is my best friend, but we are so different. We have different goals and priorities in life....He also can make me feel absolutely miserable. I think when I reach our year anniversaity, I would be ready to make a big step. I believe it was the biggest mistake in my life to get married, specially, i never really wanted to. So after this, I will never ever remarry. What are you plans? Is your AP single or planning to become single? Would you ever leave your H if you did not have AP? And most important: HOW DID YOU MAKE SUCH A BIG STEP? E-mail me if you want. Best of luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 11:47am

Great question and one I was trying to figure out with my musings just the other day!

I stay because, and I'm trying to be totally honest with myself...I don't want to be alone. Half the time I'm alone anyway, but that's mostly because he's working out of town for so long. I stay because I truly do believe I am in love with him and I think he's in love with me...I think he needs me in his life (whether he wants to admit it or not). If I can believe what he's said about his M, I am probably the first woman who actually loves him, as a woman should love a man.

The only risk involved in this R is me, getting my heart completely broken. My M is already over (yes, we had a d-day shortly after the A started). I chose to leave my H because I couldn't pretend and lie to him when my feelings for my AP/BF were SO strong.

I stay because he can be so unexpected at times...he just came home yesterday and he told me that all he wanted was to be with me...no one else (as in the pub) but just me. We have plans today to meet at my place because he just wants to be with me with no one else around. I understand that he has familial obligations (his boys are home for the holidays and I suppose his W is there too) but he is falling over himself trying to tell me that he will be with me as much as he can, yada yada....I get all that and I was pretty cool about it too. I can tell that he's very concerned about MY Christmas and whether I will have any family or friends I will be spending time with. And it warms my heart like you have no idea! He's asked about my schedule and he's going to look at his so that we can be together as often as possible...he's also asked me to come visit him on his job again.

This is why I stay. I love him.

benska

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 12:30pm
OMG, I actually taped that song and gave it to AP! How funny! I know where you are at emotionally. I love both my husband and AP and although I know my husband is a better man, I am totally IN LOVE with AP. Like I said in my former posts, we both have taken time away from each other and tried concentrating on our marriages, but we always end up coming back to each other. We are constantly in each other's thoughts, dreams....everyday. Not one single day goes by without me thinking of him, wondering about what he's doing...with or without him, that's how my life has been for a year and he says it's the same with him. He actually resents her at times and admits he's not exactly nice to her because of his desire to be with me. Arrggh, wish there were simple answers to all this, but unfortuneatly, when people have invested time, money, assests, family and friends into relationships, it becomes complicated to just up and follow your heart and dreams. I stay because I can't stop loving him and I've tried, believe me, I've tried.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2008
Tue, 04-07-2009 - 9:15am
how long weere you together before getting married?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Tue, 04-07-2009 - 8:41pm

I am single; but I stay in my affair with MM because... I am STUPID!


For the one year my affair has lasted, I have asked this question over and over to myself and I can't find no other option but that I am mad crazy for staying.


He doesn't offer me anything but heartache and pain but I can't leave without missing him so badly.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Tue, 04-07-2009 - 8:58pm

I stay because my AP "gets" me.


I stay because my AP is loving, caring and