Why do you stay?
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Why do you stay?
| Sat, 03-06-2004 - 11:04am |
Why do you continue in a relationship with a MM? I guess there are thousands of answers...I guess the next part of the question is why do you stay if you have doubts that it is what you want or if it is good for you or that there will ever be more. How do you accept it for what it is and not hope for more?
I am a SW having an A with a MM I work with. An hour or two a week is about all the time we have alone or can talk. When we are together I light up inside but the other time, most of the time, I question why.
How does it work for you?

jen
Emotionally I am able to say things and express myslef with him that I never did with H and it doesn't mean I don't love my H. We been together for 25 years and I love him like a friend whom you have spent a lot of years with, but with OM its a little more intangible than that - that instant connection, love and being so much alike - it can be scary.
I'm a MW having an A with a DM. OM loves me, wants me, has made it clear he wants to get married. Why do I stay with my H? That's the big question that I ask myself! H and I have problems, little contact, no sex. You know what keeps us together? Inertia. Comfort. Laziness. My fear of hurting him. His denial of our marital problems. Knowing that the devil I live with may just be better than the devil I might trade up for.
OM is a wonderful, loving, sincere, sexually satisfying man. But I don't want to be with him permanently. I love him. He has given me warmth, intense sex, a great ego boost. But even if I leave H, he will not be my next H. I am tired of being M. The R I have with OM is not enough to make me want to marry him. Heck, I'm not even out of my M with H... Why would I want to get all tied up again???
Sorry if I'm being blunt and thank you for letting me vent.
I, too, am a SW, well, divorced. It's hard. I have been in this LDA
Hot
As for your other questions....no, I have no doubts that this is what I want. I have no doubts that this is good for me. I do have doubts - quite a damn lot of them, actually - about whether there will ever be 'more' than what I have now. Things are in flux right now in my life though, so 'more' isn't really an option anyhow. But when the time comes, what then? Then I have to ask myself, what is the more that I want? He already does more for me financially and materially that he should or that I ever expected. He does more for me intellectually than I expected (I always knew he was an intelligent man, but damn he's quite brilliant, actually). He helps to make sure that I can take care of myh kids. He helps me with things I can't do around the house, *and* I've caught him folding my laundry twice, now, lol, so he's very domestic, too. So what is it I want? I want nights with him. I want to go away for the weekend with him. I want to live with him. Well, the thing I keep in mind is that with all the working together we do, I really do see him a LOT more than his g/f does. And we are able to get away 3-5 times a week for sex, too. So in that respect, I'm a whole lot better off than most women in affairs.
But it can't be denied that I do want more when the time is right in my life, and I just don't know how that will shake out. The last thing I will do is force a choice; that's hardly fair to the guy. Besides, if I were honest with myself, I'd know deep down that I'd lose that bet anyway. So - I'm learning how to sleep by myself for the first time in almost 20 years. Before long, it won't be so bad, I think. What we have really is wonderful and I would never have traded this opportunity for the world.
Lucky