Why do you still have sex with spouse?
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| Wed, 12-10-2008 - 11:20pm |
OK, now please, if you can, be gentle, as I promise I have heard every "he is leading you on" explanation known to man.
He's M. I am S. We've been together 18 months. We are making concrete plans for our future, including a separation date in the spring, talks about meeting families. He's introduced me to one of his friends. My friends know him. We are talking about blending our families. We do many things in public. I love him. I believe he loves me as well.
So in this context, why the heck is he still having sex with his W? I know their sex life has never been overly active, but still ... I really feel pretty indignant about this, now that I am, ostensibly, the woman he wants a future with. I can understand lots of other things he does to keep the peace and to keep her in the dark until he leaves, but the sex thing. Is that really necessary? I feel like I am being cheated on. Irrational, perhaps, given how our R started, but real nonetheless.
Anyone else planning to leave but still having relations with the spouse? Why? Is this a guy thing? When I was M, and made the decision to leave my H (this was waaay before I met my AP), I didn't have sex with him again. I didn't want to. I was divorcing him. I'm confused.

Wow, that's a tough one. He might be trying not to rock the boat until the Spring. He is the one that has to live w/ her. If she finds out too soon she could really make things difficult for him, especially if they have children together.
When my xAP SAID he was leaving his W for me the 2nd time he SAID they were back to the sexless marriage thing, and knowing her I do believe him. If I thought that they were still bumping uglies I couldn't have stood it. There is no way.
Can I ask you something? Why the Hell did he tell you about it anyway? I'm sorry, but what you don't know can't hurt you. I would have rather he lie to me about that one, but that's just me. I mean, in the real world, not the one that we live in w/ our Ap's, H's and W's do have sex. Why should their marriage be any different? Apparently she doesn't know yet that her M is over, or like you said she wouldn't be having sex w/ him. I think for us women, when it's over, IT'S OVER. I guess the same is not true for men.
Waiting until spring for logistical reasons, I am guessing, but I don't really know. The reason I had thought was the case is not, and we haven't gotten the time to discuss it further.
Yes, he is keeping up appearances. And I suppose I understand that and even support it in philosophy. I won't get involved in the nuts and bolts of how he ends his marriage. It's his to end, not mine. But I do feel disrespected. And I have a hard time keeping the visuals out of my head. It makes me ill. And I never thought about this stuff before he told me he wanted to leave her.