Why do you think this happens?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
Why do you think this happens?
9
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 9:40am
I just found something about my OM this weekend that he had omitted to tell because he thought I would turn away from him. It was something that was bothering me not because I knew about it but because I was not told about it. I could have understood a lot of things that went bad between us much better if he had explained it to before. Why do you think that *some* men withhold a whole lot about themselves?? Any male input is welcome.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 4:03pm
bump... any sugesstions/opinions
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 7:09pm
HI Opal

How about this idea, the male mind tends to be compartmentalized, we OW have one box in there mind , there other boxs belong to them or othere people, so they don't tend to share or think they need to share the rest of there mental boxs with us.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 7:30pm
That's a good thought, free. I compartmentalize too - but I share everything with him. Why doesn't he??
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 8:27pm
Hey

He's a man they do not share naturaly the way women do (at least not most of them).

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 8:32pm
I believe they do it for "protection" not that they don't want to tell you -

4JS

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 9:27pm
Personally, I think it is the nature of a man to share less. Look at the very act of making love. A woman opens her body to the man, the man is the one who enters her. I think it's just the way we are all hard-wired. Women are more emotional, we tend to deal with things in those terms. Men are more analytical, and they tend to deal with things in THOSE terms. Of course... there is an exception to every rule.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 8:24am


There are a plethora of reasons that people don't share everything.

I'm a private person and while I will tell MM most things, (and have told him everything important), it took time for me to decide to open up that much. I still hesitate before I say things...and sometimes that causes misunderstandings.

And MM definitely compartmentalizes. He also doesn't tell me things because he knows that hearing them would hurt me. Sometimes I even appreciate that.

Cazrida



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 8:56am
My MM and I try to share everything we can....our feelings, emotions, even what we do on a day to day basis (appointments, meetings, doctor visits, etc.). But as far as weekends go, we don't go into detail as to what we've done with our "significant others," because there is a possibility of hurting the other one. Sometimes it is good not to share everything. We just simply don't want to hurt each other. But we do talk to each other about our H and W. He's enduring a separation and I listen to him about that and he listens to me vent about my H. He is my best friend, so he does hear a lot.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 9:14am


My MM and I are best friends as well. He wants to know my daily plans. This tends to blow my mind, because I've functioned so independently for so long that it just doesn't cross my mind to tell him that I'm going to do xxxxxxxxx.

He tells me his plans as well, so I don't fault him for not sharing. We also discuss his marriage, but right now I'm not saying very much about it. Since he "flinched" when she was going to look for an apartment, I'm trying to be very, very quiet on the subject.

We've made plans for months to attend a convention in two weekends. I don't know if he's going to be able to go now as his wife is expressing an interest in attending. Talk about a major disappointment!

Frankly, I don't do disappointments well...especially not right now. Again, I'm trying to be quiet and let him handle things. I'm forcing myself to remain in a holding pattern, but I can feel myself putting up walls. If I ever get them back in place, I'll turn this to just friends. And I don't look back. He knows this and I can tell that it bothers him, but we'll see.

I keep remembering the rules for EMA's. When it hurts more than it feels good, its time to get out. As much as I love him, I'm close.

Cazrida