Why does he do this to me?
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Why does he do this to me?
| Wed, 04-08-2009 - 10:03am |
Hi again. I haven't been here for several weeks but now its time to come back. Today is hard and I am crying and feeling lost.
Some background -

I don't know, kelugirl, but you've been in this quandry for a couple of months now.
My sense is that you are giving each other an ego boost.
This is the first post of yours I have read, but it seems that this has been going on longer than just today.
My take on why he does this to you? Because he is a coward who is unable to fully shut the door. Maybe he will get a job in a few weeks/months/years and he wants to make sure when he is out from under the daily scrutiny of his family that he still has you to run to. You are very correct when you say that he could see you if he wanted to. Of course he could. You are also right when you say these are JUST words. Once he backs them up with actions things might change, but he isn't doing that.
Ask yourself if continuing in this tormented state is worth your while. Maybe you want to stop reading and responding to his emails. Easy advice to give, harder advice to follow. Put yourself first (the same way he is) and make yourself the priority.
My guess is that his interest is starting to wane. But he sure liked having something on the side, so he keeps you roped in just enough to keep your interest. As others said, if he truly wanted to get together with you, he would. Nobody is tied to their spouse 24/7.
The one thing we don't seem to get until we are out of the affairs we get involved in is that we ALWAYS have a choice. You can choose to be the bigger of the two and end it yourself. Before anybody gets hurt. It's easy to have "chemistry" with someone you aren't involved with on a daily basis, going through all that life sends us. I suggest forgetting about this man and focus on the one you're married to. You've managed to carry on undetected thus far. Eventually, it all comes out if it continues. Do you want to lose your husband? What's more important....this man or your husband?
Thank you so much for all your advice and insight. I can't believe I am struggling so much today - crying over someone I never had. I know why I went this route - my marriage is empty and I am with someone who is cold and selfish. My AP made me feel alive again, motivated me to feel good and look good, I have so much to give inside of me and I let him see the real me. He said how much beautiful and fun I am, so different from anyone else, he couldn't get enough of me - words I held close and believed were genuine. I felt safe with him because he wasn't exactly a stranger so the immediate comfort was there and I figured, since he knew me, he would be good to me no matter what happened. How foolish of me. Just recently, he has told me what I have wanted to hear over the last few months and I suddenly felt hopeful again and thought wow, he feels the same way as me. But all of the sudden he is gone and I don't know why. Last week, he is wanting to see me, flirting, making me feel so happy and then nothing...no response to my messages