why does he want to have a baby with W?
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why does he want to have a baby with W?
| Wed, 12-31-2008 - 7:00pm |
So...AP and I were talking once (we talk as friends, about our families and that), and i asked him how long he has been married for and he said " for 3 years" I replied that I thought it was much longer than that but he said " that's why I do not have a kid yet" He always talks how we both know that life is more than just about getting married and it is society imposed. He told me he images if we both were single. He also mentionned that he is mainly married because of his family and his family would turn him down if he gets divorced. But why is he considering having a kid if he does not believe in marriage? A part of me understands because I got married when I did not want to.....He also corrected me about something I said to my H, i asked him to mind his own bussiness. Once I mentionned that i have not printed my wedding pictures yet ( i got married almost a year ago) and he said that it is important and i should have done it....Why does he want to have a kid ??? and cares so much for my marriage?

He wants to have a baby with his W because he loves her
Because he thinks she'll be a good mother
Because he sees future with her
Because he want to strengthen his M
Is it not enough?
Well said mommygoddess.....
Both AP and I come from very traditional families. We got married and had children because that is what we were expected to do..settle down, have kids...we figured out along the way that we weren't really happy, but divorce is not an option for us. I'm sure my AP loves his wife to a certain degree,,,but for some reason he needs me in his life and the vice versa is true for me.....This is why our A works..because we both know what "deal" is for lack of a better word.
If your AP having a baby with his wife is going to send you over the edge then you need to get out now before it causes you alot of hurt. Either that or accept that fact that no matter how much he is involved with you he has a wife and he is going to have a family with her, and part of him loves her...no matter how warped it sounds. I hope we're not sounding mean here, It just sounds like you're setting yourself up to be hurt.
I don't know if I can answer your question any better then the others who have already but I do know what you are going through. I found out a couple months ago my AP's W will also be giving birth sometime soon. I have been in my A for almost 5 years and I was in shock when he told me about this. From what he had been telling me it looked like his M was ending. Well until he told me about the pregnancy. It was a huge reality check for me. I thought things were different with us but I know now that is not the case. He loves his W enough to go to the extent they had to for her to get pregnant. I asked my AP the same question you are asking here and his answer sounded like such BS to me. My AP told me the reason he went through with it was because he was not willing to wait any longer to have a child. He tried to play the poor pity me card telling me he feels that he allowed himself to be trapped in his M just to have a child. I told him he did not get trapped he chose to go through with it. I have no sympathy for him feeling like he is trapped because this pregnancy had to be planned, I don't want to go into too much detail here but this was no oops here comes a baby.
You can email me off the board if you need someone to talk to. Unfortunately the only thing I have to offer is I truly know what you are going through right now.
Dreamer
Thank yo ladies for your replies and feedback. I did not find you mean by no means. Your replies really shed some light on the situation. I guess, it is the same as some people do not understand why people get married when they do not want to. He told me very openly from very beggining that he will not leave his W and divorce is not an option. Now he talks about it more and more. I know he loves her and he is very afraid that she finds out about us....I love him as a friend and I want him to b happy, I really do not care about being with him in A, I want him as a friend, as long as there is no games....
Thank yo Dreamer for your reply !!!!
I am sorry you are going through this. About a year ago he told me they would be trying for a baby ( at that time we were just friends). So i remembered and brought it up. I am very suprised he is planning on having kids with his W., and he was suprised I was suprised. May be she is already pregnant becase there was somethng in the air when we talked about it, it is hard to explain
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
I think he's being less than honest about his feelings on marriage. If he doesn't "believe" in it and only did it for his family, then why does he think that wedding pictures are important and you should have yours printed? It sounds to me that he only doesn't believe in it because he can't have sex with anyone he wants.
At least he's being honest about never getting a divorce, but frankly, I think he's just one of those men who want more than one woman and will say anything they need to to the AP to make it happen.